Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player

A Conspiracy Theory

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Sarah Palin is 8/1 to be the next president of America. What is this insanity? This must be a lay, all the way up to 500/1. It’s one thing to discover someone’s a moron after they’ve taken office, but surely their progress must be hampered if they make it so obvious in advance?

  A conspiracy theory occurs to me. What if the Republicans, knowing that a global financial meltdown is imminent, didn’t want to be running the country? What if they put in McCain knowing the old dodderer couldn’t make it? What if they decided that it would be ideal to let the black president take over when everything was bound to be disastrous and he could be blamed? And what if, since it wasn’t a serious campaign anyway, they took the opportunity (having been scared by the near-miss with Hillary Clinton) to put the most halfwitted woman in the entire country on the ticket, and thus discredit for generations to come the idea of a woman coming close to the presidency?

  Brilliant! The black guy and the chick, as concepts, are wiped out at a stroke! Chick despatched with the campaign; black guy despatched in the single term, with the global disaster that’s coming his way through no fault of his own;  four years later, when the catastrophe has died down and moved past, it’ll be back to nice safe old white guys for centuries!

  I don’t know if the theory carries weight, but it would make a brilliant film. Not the whole thing - just the bit where they set out to find the most half-witted woman in the country, (In the film, she’s played by Reese Witherspoon and becomes the most successful president in history).


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Jim at 10:18 am on November 12th, 2008

You’re scaring me. That sounds far too feasible.

MarkP at 1:19 pm on November 12th, 2008

I love a conspiracy theory but you have too many what ifs. Where’s the CIA involvement and the black-op’s from some secret agency who we’ve never heard of before and could only have been sanctioned by three people in the whole US government. Nice try though.

R at 3:53 pm on November 12th, 2008

Quite a bold theory! Nobody could foresee the magnitude of this financial crisis.

(Well, I mean, apart from some weird economic researchers, who spend the whole day staring at the screen, their imagination going wild overcome by blazing lust, over-interpreting every single piece of information that is released, gradually veering away from reality, only to find themselves alone, disenchanted and listening to reggae tunes ???!  And still, they can’t stop imagining!!)

George W. was one of worst presidents in history. Anti-americanism has reached new heights all over the world and Obama will have a lot of clean-up work to do. He’ll have to restore the most important things among human beings: confidence, affection and respect.

jp at 4:13 pm on November 12th, 2008

‘nice safe old white guys’ ? ....tell that to the Iraqis

Fitch at 11:30 pm on November 12th, 2008

What are the odds on assassination before inauguration?
Just got back from a few days in Copenhagen and I couldn’t believe what I heard one high up woman polititian say. Talk about bigotry. Right wing or what.
He only got in BECAUSE HE’S BLACK!!!
Met a guy there who said he’s played on the same table as you once (didn’t believe him, he still had some money left!!!)

David Bodycombe at 2:36 pm on November 13th, 2008

Why tie your money up for 4 to 8 years at 500-1 when you can have a cast-iron lay at 10-1 on this?:

Victoria Coren at 4:08 pm on November 13th, 2008

That is hilarious! The prices are all terrible, obviously - they need a mathematician. Jonny Ball’s the closest call, but it won’t be a man. As for me… Jeez… I can do a bit of maths if the outcome of a pot depends on it, but I’m not going to multiply 75 by 25 under a ticking clock with 4 million people watching. Nobody can compete with the woman once described by The Sun, in a beautiful turn of phrase, as “curvy egghead” Carol Vorderman.

Ian at 4:18 pm on November 13th, 2008

Of course the entire theory lives or dies on the basis of a slightly high IQ Level.

Given the contents of the following link:

Are you sure the Republicans could come up with something so intelligent?

David Bodycombe at 7:47 am on November 14th, 2008

I’ve been on radio with Johnny Ball a couple of times. He spent most of the time pinging elastic bands at the On Air light.

(*makes a note to write a sequence question based on powers of 25 for next season’s Only Connect*)

John at 2:48 pm on November 14th, 2008

Hi Victoria…I wonder if Obama will continue with the woollen arms and plastic hands so favoured by George W?  Even Mr Blair enjoyed many a ‘walk past the camera’ featuring this adopted gait.
And speaking of ill-conceived spin-tinkering… those X Factor finalists.  Would Austin really have been the last great hope for music?  Old news I know… but I suspect it still hurts!  Cheers, John.

Victoria Coren

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