A Time And A Place For Multi-Tasking
Monday, 3 November 2008
I am loving the Russell Brand / Jonathan Ross / Andrew Sachs story. Some people say it’s had too much coverage. I say, after a full week of nothing else in the newspaper, it remains one of the most interesting things that’s ever happened. Each new tangent is gripping.
This morning I spent a long time thinking about a fragment in today’s News Of The World where a woman revealed that, when Russell Brand was having sex with her and a girlfriend, he did impressions of Frank Spencer at the same time. Mostly, I was trying to work out whether I could think of anything less sexy to do in bed than impressions of Frank Spencer. I couldn’t. Cutting toenails, eating a cheese sandwich, reading out the phone book; all would be more of a turn-on than shouting “Ooh Betty, I’ve got in a bit of trouble” while thrusting. It also made me want to give Russell Brand a big hug. That poor boy must have had so much sex that it BORES HIM OUT OF HIS MIND. I mean come on, he wasn’t doing those impressions for the woman’s entertainment, was he? And he wasn’t carried away in a glowing haze of passionate romantic intimacy either. Bored, bored, bored, that’s what Russell was during this threesome. I’m worried for him. If he’s not careful, he’ll end up like the Marquis de Sade, who thought an orgy involving an ape, a goat, a grandmother and a child simply wasn’t interesting unless they were all thrown onto a bonfire afterwards and roasted.
Then again, it’s all very well for me to be smug because I don’t yet find sex so dull that I have to jazz it up with a few impressions. I was thinking about the whole story again tonight when I was simultaneously drinking tea, talking on the phone, playing two SNGs on PokerStars and watching No Reservations on cable. Is it a generational thing? Maybe we all need to get better at doing one damn thing at a time.