Saturday, 23 August 2008
I’m just watching Goldfinger on ITV. Obviously this is one of the greatest films of all time. I particularly love the fact that Goldfinger is so evil that not only does he spray-paint women to death, he also cheats at rummy.
But I find the theme tune exasperating.
“Such a COLD fing-ahhh…”
Why should he have a cold finger? It’s made of gold, a particularly good conductor of heat. On a warm day, it would be much hotter than a normal finger. If he had a stone finger, now that would be a different story. But he has a finger made from a material which can actually be used as a heat insulator in car engines.
Let’s say that you were on holiday with Goldfinger, lazing on a Spanish beach. Would you want his finger trailing affectionately over you? No, because it wouldn’t be at all cooling. You’d actually leap away from the searing heat of it.
(It wouldn’t feel much like “a spider’s touch”, either. Spiders are light and feathery. They don’t feel anything like metal. Unless the song actually means a metal spider, but then it needs to be more specific, “A metal spider’s touch…”)
It may be that Goldfinger has very bad circulation, and Shirley Bassey is actually singing about one of his other fingers. He could have a gold one and a cold one. A cold, spidery one. But I’m now slightly wishing that I wasn’t watching the film, as I’m not going to be able to stop singing “Such a hot finger…” for days.