Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player

Have I Got News For You (with link)

Friday, 8 June 2012

Update: this episode can now be watched for a week here.

  I’ll be on Have I Got News For You tonight, which I think is at 9.20pm after the football (on BBC One). The other guest is my old cohort Greg Davies - it’s funny, apart from Only Connect I only do TV shows about once every four months, but Greg Davies always seems to be there as well! Luckily, I think he’s a really nice and incredibly funny chap. I don’t know if he feels so lucky, constantly bumping into me.

  And the host is brilliant Kirsty Young, of whom I’m a huge fan.
  The only question is whether there’s been ANYTHING in this week’s news to talk about, apart from the Jubilee… which I forgot to watch.

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Steve at 7:27 pm on June 8th, 2012


Just settling down to watch you on HIGNFY. Watching you on this program before I have noticed that every time you smile I get this funny feeling inside. Not exactly hunger…not exactly indigestion…hard to pin down exactly. Do you think I should see a doctor about this? On Paul’s team this time. Hmmm…doesn’t seem right somehow. I always imagine you “on the left” somehow. Still, I now get to experience your smile biased to your left cheek. Keen to see if this lessens or magnifies my stomach issue. If you could see your way clear to smiling profusely at the beginning to settle the issue it would be much appreciated.

stephen at 8:32 pm on June 8th, 2012

Blimey Victoria it’s a spicy ep so far! The Jubilee has turned it all weird. God you’re a funny lady, the bit about the Queen having a bungee jump and a Playstation, and the bit about Sally Berkow twitter was hilarious…

John W at 8:50 pm on June 8th, 2012

Well done for sticking to your guns about the pig.

palladian at 9:02 pm on June 8th, 2012

Normally wait for iPlayer HIGNFY but couldn’t resist a live peek. Glad I did. The five of you were sparkling. One of the best shows for a good while. Rocked along nicely with some great lines. Well done all.

Mike at 9:07 pm on June 8th, 2012

Victoria, you’re amazing!

Wil at 9:20 pm on June 8th, 2012

I went and hid under a rock for the Jubilee which was nice, well better than a bridge anyway!

verathebondminicar at 9:30 pm on June 8th, 2012

It’s not a psychic pig.

But we did laugh! Brilliant!

Stuart Clough at 9:34 pm on June 8th, 2012

It *might* be psychic…

Andy at 9:34 pm on June 8th, 2012

Victoria, could have framed the look on your face when you were refuting the psychic pig! Fabulous!

and well done for your comments on the Jubilee….what you watched of it

Dan at 9:42 pm on June 8th, 2012

I was nearly in tears at some of that.  And I too love Kirsty Wark.  [Mod: Kirsty Young!] She is the absolute best! 

Dan at 10:21 pm on June 8th, 2012

Yes Kirsty Young! Ouch! That would be a different HIGNFY.

Ben at 10:24 pm on June 8th, 2012

Another great appearance, you were very funny and looked fantastic. I am pleased you defended QI (when are you going to appear?) and loved the psychic pig ..........

Bill Green at 11:13 pm on June 8th, 2012

I thought it was the best HIGNFY in a while. Well done, standing up for intelligent telly. It’s about time you were on QI, don’t you think?

Donald at 11:21 pm on June 8th, 2012

As a Glaswegian I watched some of the show rather nervously but you all came out of it with top marks. I wish you had made a bolder attempt at the accent though. It would have made my year.

I first remember Kirsty presenting the lunchtime news on Scottish television back in the early 90s. She had a great rapport with her male co-host and together they brought a real sense of fun to the proceedings, where appropriate of course. I wasn’t surprised to see her career move onwards and upwards.

This was probably your funniest appearance on the show yet. Hope they continue.

BenButton at 12:06 pm on June 9th, 2012

Yeah, what’s the deal with you and Greg Davies being on the same shows? You did Opinionated together, and did you do HIGNFY together as well? I imagine if he had been more popular at the time they would have shoved him in that house with you on The Bubble. I have always been curious to know, was that when you first met David Mitchell? That was the first time I became aware of your existence, and your stint was easily the highlight of that whole series. I would have no doubt in my mind that David would have been enamoured with you, as I was, at that point.

Brian Blake at 1:55 pm on June 9th, 2012

Very good on HIGNFY. I always find your appearances on there interesting.Your humour is very sharp. You should present it some time.

Victoria Coren at 3:30 pm on June 9th, 2012

Hi Ben. No, I already knew David quite well before that. A couple of newspapers said that’s where we met, but it wasn’t even the first show we did together - we’d been on Charlie Brooker’s shows at the same time, on Radio 4 and Channel 4. I can’t really remember the chronology but at least one of those was before The Bubble. We’re in similar fields, our paths crossed quite often!

KonradO at 3:47 pm on June 9th, 2012

Just watched your appearance on HIGNFY on BBC iPlayer - funny and witty as always Victoria. I loved the ‘Picture Spin Quiz’ - “it’s not a psychic pig”. The last three episodes have been the best of this series so far - the guest hosts and panellists have been brilliant. Hope we will see you host episodes soon. Any news on when Only Connect will return?

James at 9:06 pm on June 9th, 2012

Victoria, I think the pig story was a crackling story. I think it is quite rashernal to believe the pig actually can predict the correct scores.  After all, it is sow the pundits usually get away with it!!  Sorry for the poor quality of the puns, I really am snout of order.

Andy at 9:18 pm on June 9th, 2012

I have to echo Palladium and other posters’ comments. That was the best show for a long time, with you all bouncing off each other.

Loved it when you stuck to your guns about the pig and about QI.

Come back soon. With a bigger cushion.

Hugo at 11:16 pm on June 9th, 2012

You are adorable.

Dan at 2:59 am on June 10th, 2012

What I don’t understand, that octopus was well established as predicting the correct scores last time right?  Well why is everyone just walking around as if nothing has changed?  It’s “oh yeah, that psychic octopus”,  when they should be making love and sticking their jobs because now they realise nothing really matters.  Because there was truly a psychic octopus and it was real.

BenButton at 7:05 am on June 10th, 2012

Thanks for putting that thought straight Victoria. The Bubble may not have brought you and David together for the first time, but it did lead to me discovering Only Connect, which has been a love story of a different kind.

Estel at 12:24 pm on June 10th, 2012

I loved you, as always, and think you should have your own show. But I disagree with everyone here in that I think the HIGNIFY format is looking a bit tired.  Maybe Ian was a bit subdued after his planning worries.  Still the best show on the telly, and unlike all you London in- crowd, I have to watch it twice to figure all the references.

Arejayem at 6:18 pm on June 10th, 2012

Dear Miss Coren,

These are austere times and as such I have stopped paying out £2.20 every Sunday simply to acquire a copy of the Observer in order to read your comments on the week (which sometimes are just not there)

Is it possible to publish on a semi annual basis (a la Clive James Chrystal Bucket etc.) your weekly pronouncements as it would be far cheaper for me and frankly create far less waste paper

Ps I have had your article on Pineapple sex blown up to wall size.

John Hillman at 7:51 pm on June 10th, 2012

Excellent show, you did great!  Must look out for you again on the TV. Totally funny, totally sexy, well done on both counts, you made this falkland vet a happy chap today.

John at 9:26 am on June 11th, 2012

Saw you on ‘Have I Got News For You’ and think you should appear on it more often!

Also, I think you should get yourself on as a guest on Sky News and BBC News 24 doing the newspaper reviews.

Just a thought.

Clive at 12:13 pm on June 11th, 2012

Oy, I thought you had a policy about how excess flattery was similar to abuse? Surely the opening comment transgresses that?!

(Helpfully) Do I get to make a free abusive comment then, to make up for it?

Oh why can’t we have emoticons on this site?

Stevie Roach at 10:29 pm on June 11th, 2012

Just finished watching this.  You and Kirsty were excellent! I loved the ‘seriousness’ of your comments
A really good mix of panelists.  Thank goodness for rewind, so that we could catch everything.

Zachariah at 10:41 pm on June 11th, 2012

Just watched you on this show and you are so dry and funny, wish I knew you in real life! Meanwhile stay happy :P

johnny at 2:20 am on June 12th, 2012

Saw you on the show tonight you didn’t go for it bridget, Mind you some sharp knives on there caution i guess, Kirsty gave it a good go but then she is the type, well poker babe im off to bed well done.

palladian at 11:30 am on June 12th, 2012

There’s a line of yours in the great ‘cock and lasagna’ exchange that’s hard to catch.

Kirsty is setting the ball rolling from Ian’s lead, Paul says something about ‘a cheap date’, then you and Kirsty have a moment before she comes out with the classic ‘My favourite Friday night!’ (Right up there with Jo Brand’s opening the mivvie.)

But what was your line to Kirsty that sets her off?

Victoria Coren at 3:52 pm on June 12th, 2012

Oh, I just said “Sounds like a good night out.”

Anthony Dent at 6:38 am on June 13th, 2012

Hi Victoria. Fancy some lasagne?

Stephen at 12:23 pm on June 13th, 2012

Thought you were ace on have i got news for you .. Thanks for the giggle.. Hope to see you doing more ... What about Qi??

Iain Mackenzie at 12:15 am on June 15th, 2012

Hi Victoria. Saw you on the ‘’ last week and am writing this because my heart went out to your: “Nothing is harder than stopping smoking”. As a Gestalt Psychotherapist working in Newcastle I wanted to offer a thought concerning easing up on yourself around smoking whilst embarking on a successful career path.

Our addictive behaviours and other aspects of life are often related. Like pulling on a spider’s web; a tug or a release of tension in one place gives rise to a reorientation elsewhere.

This means, in the short term, it may be advisable to ease up on trying to stop smoking until we know that we are ready to make big changes in other aspects of our lives.
Of course, I would be happy to expand on this if useful. Wishing you all the very best to you and yours, Iain.

Chris at 8:52 am on June 15th, 2012

I’ve only just seen your appearance on HIGNFY. Once again you were very funny and seemed more confident than on previous occasions. I enjoyed the way you persisted with the “it’s not a psychic pig” argument. I also agreed with your point about the state of much TV today and how it’s dummed down. HIGNFY and QI being two notable exceptions!
I hope it won’t be long before you appear on the show again.
Finally congratulations on your recent engagement!!

Harley Masters at 9:23 pm on June 15th, 2012

My god you’re bloody wonderful.  Slightly embarrassed to say that I always look forward a little too enthusiastically to one of your appearances on HIGNFY.  Fantastic delivery and composure guaranteed every time. 

Enough of the sycophantic rambling hey?

Beautiful too.  (Sorry, had to).

Roger Hudson at 9:10 am on June 16th, 2012

I saw the above programme and, in addition to its usual large helpings of wit and urbanity, found the discomfiture of Alistair Campbell a delight. My purpose in writing this letter, however, is to find out if you know of any way in which I can lay my hands on a copy of your father’s NgiDickinson which appeared in Punch many years ago. An odd request maybe but I’d be grateful if you could help. Many thanks.
P.S. You’re right about the pig—neither prophetic nor psychic! Mostly pork!

Kristofer Regan at 9:51 am on June 16th, 2012

When is your appearance on QI going to be aired? I think you should have been a captain on it from the start.

Kristofer Regan at 9:57 am on June 16th, 2012

The Flotilla, wasn’t worth sitting through four and a half hours for to get to the nugget of gold, the Horrible Histories skit.

Victoria Coren at 10:05 pm on June 16th, 2012

Hi Roger. I’m afraid I don’t know the piece you mention, of my father’s. He wrote an awful lot, perhaps that one’s just lost in the mists of time.

Also thanks to Iain for your kind words about the smoking. I do hope I’ll stop one day…. other that in the obvious way.

Leon at 1:22 pm on June 17th, 2012

The pig is psychic! Deal with it.

Made me chuckle Miss, you should do more of those types of shows.


Chris at 10:17 am on June 19th, 2012

Just funny, simple as.

Hedge at 8:15 pm on June 21st, 2012

Just wanted to say I have just read “For richer, for poorer”, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done, your writing style is as witty as one would expect, and also very touching. The book is cleverly constructed, and even with my dodgy understanding of Poker, I felt like I understood why you play as well as some of how to play by the end. Congratulations,Victoria:)

Karl Sabbagh at 2:14 pm on June 24th, 2012

Great interjections about (non) psychic pig in HIGNYFY. How about turning your(our) attention to the egregious publishing of horoscopes in so-called intelligent newspapers, including the Sunday Times?  As a member of the astrology subcommittee of CSICOP I’d be happy to help. Keep up the good work.  KS

ArcticWolf2110 at 12:52 am on November 16th, 2012

See all above comments (bar one or two) for details.

Victoria Coren

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