Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player


Heresy: free tickets and free champagne!

Monday, 1 April 2013

THIS THREAD IS NOW CLOSED; WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON OR BY SUNDAY APRIL 21st!

  After a few months off the airwaves, Heresy is returning to Radio Four. This is the comedy show I host, where guests come along to argue against “received wisdom” - i.e. find new angles on those kneejerk opinions where the consensus seems overwhelming.

News on how to get your free champagne in a moment.

  First: if you’d like free tickets for a live recording of Heresy in London, they’re available via this link (for a choice of 6.30pm or 8pm on Thursday April 25th or Wednesday June 5th), or this link for 6.30 or 8pm on Friday May 24th. These are good fun to attend, with clever and funny (and sometimes very well-known) guests and a chance to give your own opinion on air. But please be warned: if you’re late, or even just at the back of the queue, you may not get in. So come in good time!

  Now for the free booze. In the past, some of the topics we’ve done have been suggested by posters on this blog. So I’m going to throw it open again - the best suggestion will get a bottle of champagne. (Please note, any suggestions posted here might be used on the radio, either because they’re brilliant or because we’ve thought of them already, but only the best will win a bottle!)

  Suggestions should come in the form of statements - and the key is that they’re statements which the majority of people would agree with - not two-schools-of-thought topics like “You shouldn’t wear fur”, but ones where there’s really one school of thought, that our guests will have to be creative to argue against.

  Statements that have worked well in the past include:

  INTERNET DATING HAS LOST ITS STIGMA

  CELEBRITIES SHOULDN’T TELL US HOW TO VOTE

  THE ECONOMY IS UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE

  CAMERON AND OSBORNE ARE TOO POSH BY HALF

  JORDAN’S MARRIAGE WON’T LAST

  and my personal all-time favourite:

  DANIEL DAY-LEWIS IS A BETTER ACTOR THAN CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS.

  They can be about anything - politics, dating, social life, domestic life, history, holidays, books, art, trends… Anything you can think of. I’m hoping people will think it’s a fun exercise to try to come up with new “received wisdoms”, whether you win the fizz or not. But please use your real email address when posting. It will not be displayed on the site, of course, but it’s so we can get in touch with you if you do win.

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Comments

jelliphiish at 10:00 am on April 1st, 2013

Poker is better than Sex or Chocolate.


Pauline at 1:10 pm on April 1st, 2013

We did it last summer (after a few drinks it is the best way to start an argument with your best friends). Our topics:
- We should expect religion to be a force for good
- Customer services should be better than they are
- Holidays are never long enough
- Signing a prenuptial agreement is not romantic
- During harsh economic times politicians should set a good example by lowering the ministries rate of expenditure
- Inviting an ex-boy/girlfriend to your wedding is a bad idea
- Stockings are sexier than tights

I have just found a last one : “Moving is a pain in the ass”, but it is only because I NEED someone to convince me otherwise before I decide that it is all right to solve the issue of what to do with my goldfishes by pouring a bottle of bleach into the fish tank.


tumbo at 1:48 pm on April 1st, 2013

Jelliphish, isn’t that the wrong sort of opinion though, that’s quite a controversial statement. It would need to be more like

Sex and chocolate are great pleasures in life

or

Poker is a great game as long as you’re winning

or

Chocolate makes you fat

ie. things that everyone thinks, not things people would naturally argue against!


TO at 2:41 pm on April 1st, 2013

This blog post made my morning. I live in Canada so no hope of coming to a recording, but so happy to hear this show is coming back again this year!


lucy at 4:12 pm on April 1st, 2013

-should women have children over the age of 35?
-big white wedding or registry office?
-does media influence the youth?
-should someone stay with their partner after they have been abused by them?
-should someone stay with their partner after they have been cheated on?
-who is to blame in an affair?
-is gay marriage actually more stable than straight marriage?
-should disney go back to the way they used to make films, instead of using pixar?


Michael at 4:45 pm on April 1st, 2013

Some things, mostly clichés, I believe, but would happily be disabused of:

THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW HISTORY ARE DESTINED TO REPEAT IT.

THERE ARE TOO MANY COOKERY SHOWS ON TV.

NEWSPAPERS ARE A DYING INDUSTRY.

IT’S WRONG TO SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD.

MATHEMATICS IS A MORE WORTHWHILE SUBJECT THAN MEDIA STUDIES.

COUNTDOWN ISN’T AS GOOD SINCE CAROL VORDERMAN LEFT.


jim carr at 5:44 pm on April 1st, 2013

1. DAVID BECKHAM DESERVES TO BE MARRIED TO A SPICE GIRL.
2.PRINCE HARRY IS TOO POSH TO BE A “GEEZER”
3. GIRLS ARE NICER THAN BOYS.
4. RETIRED HORSES SHOULDNT END UP IN BURGERS.
5. ATTILA THE HUN WOULD HAVE MADE A GREAT LEADER
OF THE TORY PARTY.
6. VLAD THE IMPALER WAS A BIT TOO STRICT.


A Heretic at 12:23 am on April 2nd, 2013

How about

IT’S CLASSIER TO DRINK WINE THAN CIDER

THE LIBDEMS HAVE TOTALLY SOLD OUT

JEREMY PAXMAN IS AN INTELLECTUAL

FOXES ARE PESTS

Those seem like things everyone thinks that I’d like to hear argued against!


Chris at 8:57 am on April 2nd, 2013

If you wanted a “poker” statement, how about “There is nothing wrong with women playing poker”?


jim carr at 9:29 am on April 2nd, 2013

KEN DODD IS FUNNIER THAN JIMMY CARR
SIMON COWELL IS TOO SHORT FOR HIS TROUSERS
CHRIS HUHNE AND VICKY PRYCE WOULD MAKE A GOOD TEAM ON “POINTLESS”
PAOLO DI CANIO SHOULD BE THE MANAGER OF VIRGIN TRAINS.


narimda at 9:55 am on April 2nd, 2013

You cannot earn a steady income by doing nothing


Michael at 11:17 am on April 2nd, 2013

-LINDSAY LOHAN WOULDN’T BE A GOOD MOTHER
-BODILY NOISES IN PUBLIC ARE OFFENSIVE
- CHINA IS WRONG TO BAN ACCESS TO CERTAIN WEBSITES
- SEX IN ALL FORMS ON TV AND IN PUBLIC IS INAPPROPRIATE
- BACK HAIR IS DISGUSTING
- THE TELETUBBIES ARE AN INTELLECTUAL DISGRACE
- THE CHINESE TV PROGRAMME IN WHICH DEATH-ROW INMATES ARE INTERVIEWED MOMENTS BEFORE THEIR EXECUTION IS MORALLY UNJUSTIFIABLE

Wow, once you find something it’s hard to stop. Plus, I really like champagne. Oh, just thought of one more:

- HORROR MOVIES SHOULDN’T BE SHOWN TO CHILDREN


leanna fong at 11:55 am on April 2nd, 2013

“Money buys happiness”
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry!”


Jethro at 11:56 am on April 2nd, 2013

-Football should introduce a camera Judge.

-Going to church on Sundays is an outdated notion.

-The Hobbit Movie was too long


Richard at 11:57 am on April 2nd, 2013

The youth of today are growing too old too fast.


Andrew at 11:58 am on April 2nd, 2013

Banter is the idiot cousin of small-talk


Jenny Ilsley at 11:59 am on April 2nd, 2013

Hmm so many to choose from…
Do gentlemen really prefer blondes?
Is advancement in technology always a good thing?
If we stopped photographing reality show starr and z list celebs, would they go away?


Sam at 11:59 am on April 2nd, 2013

- ‘Equality is the greatest social achievement of our time’
- ‘The English are Tories’
- ‘Austerity is the mother of invention’
- ‘Climate change will be the end of the human race’
- ‘Oncologists are more useful than GPs’


Neil at 12:01 pm on April 2nd, 2013

- The Cabinet is too full of rich toffs
- Voting really matters
- Men and women are equal
- Does Thatcher deserve a state funeral - or more to the point do we have to wait till shes dead


Rob finch at 12:03 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The April budget should be scrapped and the how many billion pound should be given to Sam trickett to play no limit holdem in Macau, far more profitable


michelle rogers at 12:03 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The best teachers are those that have lived a little.


Pavel at 12:04 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Beef paste sandwiches have lost their appeal


Joshua Danton Boyd at 12:04 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Gravity has a positive effect on human life.

Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” is a better than Iain Duncan Smith’s “The Devil’s Tune”.

Night follows day.

“The Laughing Gnome” is not a good Bowie song.


Nathan Wilson at 12:06 pm on April 2nd, 2013

False teeth are more use than false eyes.


Dan M at 12:07 pm on April 2nd, 2013

-You should use the milkman instead of the shops

-Wives are better than Girlfriends, Girlfriend


Ros at 12:08 pm on April 2nd, 2013

CHAMPAGNE IS OVER RATED

eBOOKS JUST AREN’T AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING

NO ONE IN A CITY NEEDS A 4X4

BOARD GAMES ARE FOR CHILDREN

THE BRITISH ARE THE BEST AT QUEUEING

FUNNY IS SEXY

THE BEST WAY TO SEE A FILM IS IN THE CINEMA


Kirsty at 12:08 pm on April 2nd, 2013

- Jogging bottoms should not be worn outside of the house unless exercising.


Noel N at 12:09 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Children should not gamble.
Farting in a lift is just plain rude.
E-mails from Nigerian businessmen should never be trusted.


Mark Attwater at 12:12 pm on April 2nd, 2013

- ED MILLIBAND LACKS THE FORCEFULNESS OF MARGRET THATCHER

- YOU SHOULD NEVER CUDDLE A SCORPION

- DAVID ATTENBOROUGH MAKES VERY GOOD DOCUMENTARIES

- ALWAYS LOOK FOR TRAFFIC BEFORE CROSSING A BUSY ROAD

- IF ARRESTED FOR A MURDER YOU DID NOT COMMIT, IT IS UNWISE TO TRY AND BRIBE THE DETECTIVE


Stephen Mendey at 12:17 pm on April 2nd, 2013

BBC3 is a dumbed down alternative to the other 3 BBC channels


Pat at 12:17 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Jedward, Ant & Dec and the Millibands are the same two people in disguises.
Pizza slices should be distributed in a clockwise direction.
We need longer cooler winners to combat global warming.
Winning the Eurovision should enable you to claim territory from whoever comes last.
UN debates should be conducted according to the rules of Crackerjack’s “Double or Drop”.
Who ever put lean horse meat in fatty ready meals was doing us a favour.


scott bennett at 12:20 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Mine ideas are as follows,

Hiding horsemeat in food is a PR disaster.

David Attenborough has made a greater contribution to the natural environment than Jeremy Clarkson

Violent, sexist, drunks make a relatively poor choice as husbands.

Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others.


Ida at 12:22 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Sunshine is better in London than in Los Angeles.

Iain Duncan Smith should be made redundant.

The Bitcoin is just another clever marketing scheme.

French cuisine is overrated.


Rob at 12:23 pm on April 2nd, 2013

You should always wash your hands after going to the toilet.


Ben McPherson at 12:24 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Everybody needs somebody to love.


tyrone tucker at 12:27 pm on April 2nd, 2013

ok here goes . . .
“politicians should work for free!”

“when is nepotism not a good thing?”

“instead of ID cards, everyone should be “chipped” like animals”

“Buzzwords or Neologisms should be taxed!”


RJM at 12:28 pm on April 2nd, 2013

“Champagne should be replaced by a new, better tasting drink, to celebrate special occasions.”


Brandon Isleib at 12:31 pm on April 2nd, 2013

INTERNET FORUMS/COMMENT SECTIONS ARE WHERE CIVILITY GOES TO DIE.

BOOKS ARE MORE PERSONAL THAN E-READERS.

IT’S A SHAME TECHNOLOGY IS REDUCING AVERAGE ATTENTION SPAN.

COMEDY VARIETY ACTS ARE PASSE.

THE ROYAL FAMILY IS GOOD FOR INTERNATIONAL TOURISM.


Paul G at 12:32 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Documentaries not good enough for The History Channel are destined to be repeated on Yesterday…


Gill Bryant at 12:34 pm on April 2nd, 2013

MPs should be polite to each other and remember their manners at all times


Elaine at 12:35 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Women who blog about their perfect families are hiding something

Knitting is cool & not just for grannies

A cheese sandwich is not complete without marmite

The default position for the toilet seat is down

Office air conditioning is always too cold


John Walker at 12:35 pm on April 2nd, 2013

1. Justin Bieber is our generations William Shakesphere

2. ‘Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer’ is as historically rich as ‘Lincoln’.

3. Rick Astleys song/video ‘Never gonna give you up’ has aged well


Darren at 12:37 pm on April 2nd, 2013

* Premiership footballers are not good role models
* the BNP would not have a black leader
* X Factor and its contempories have damaged the music industry
* The Olympics Opening Ceromony was much better than the Closing Ceremony


Fergus Ryan at 12:37 pm on April 2nd, 2013

There is nothing any of us can do about Richard Madeley.


Lola Martin at 12:39 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Should we vote for politicians because they are funny?


laura at 12:45 pm on April 2nd, 2013

It’s acceptable to be intelligent and ‘not do maths’ but not to be ‘not that in to books’

Banality has become the modern entertainment currency

Should we celebrate men’s curves too?

How can we achieve a genuinely progressive taxation system without only allowing people like JK Rowling to become millionaires.


Sean Chester at 12:46 pm on April 2nd, 2013

I would like to suggest the following piece of ‘received wisdom’:
The Labour Party and the Conservatives are politically opposed.
Imho the political failures of the bipartisan system are down to the fact that both parties are, in fact, the same; Thatcherist, believers in free market economics and apologists for the banks.


Richard Driscoll at 12:48 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The queen keeps a busy schedule
Jack Dee is grumpy
Football managers like a cliche
The Piano is more difficult to master than the recorder


Tony Morris at 12:49 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Hairpeices,toupees or wigs are a bad idea for men wishing to appear sexy to women.


Kate at 12:49 pm on April 2nd, 2013

IT’S BETTER TO SPEAK TO A REAL PERSON THAN AN AUTOMATED VOICE
ERIC MORECAMBE WAS FUNNIER THAN ERNIE WISE
AMERICANS DON’T UNDERSTAND IRONY
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
RADIO 4 IS SMUG AND MIDDLE-CLASS
CONVERSATION IS A LOST ART


Lucy Richardson at 1:04 pm on April 2nd, 2013

1. This year has been the UK’s worst Spring ever
2. Auto-tune is over used in pop music today
3. The original Star Wars movies were much better than the prequel trilogy
4. Bruce Forsyth should retire from Strictly Come Dancing


Louise at 1:10 pm on April 2nd, 2013

* Picasso was an artistic master
* The North of the UK is better than the South
* Rugby League is far a more interesting game than Rugby Union
* No Benefit claimants will vote Conservative in 2015 General Election
* Facebook is only useful to stalk people
* UK would be more financially stable if strengthening its relationship with the Commonwealth than with the EU
* Clare Balding should have been made a Dame by now
*


Mike McK at 1:11 pm on April 2nd, 2013

There is nothing wrong with being the leader of a secrative, aggressive communist state.

Iain Duncan Smith couldn’t live on £53 a week

Being rich changes peoples personalities

All celebrity marriages are doomed to failure

Smoking has stopped being cool


William at 1:11 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Print is dead.
Panel shows killed comedy.
There are no good guys in politics.
The Oxford comma was pointless, aggravating, and outdated.


Ben Moore at 1:12 pm on April 2nd, 2013

- It’s a shame everything’s made in china
- premier league footballers shouldn’t be role models for young people
- Road rage is a bad thing
- Tax avoidance schemes are morally wrong
-


Parish Pump at 1:15 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Charity Shops should be on Retail Parks.

Giving money to charity gives the wrong message to the Chancellor about the populations ‘disposable income’.

Nobody should wear a vest and no pants/knickers to bed as a substitute for pyjamas.

Bedding plants, are, in the main, wasteful and unsustainable.

Daffodils should be the only yellow plant in the garden.

People who post pictures of baby animals on Facebook should be banned from using it.


Neil Grundy at 1:17 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The works of Charles Dickens are superior to those of Jeffrey Archer.


Tracy Simmons at 1:22 pm on April 2nd, 2013

1. Danny Boyle is a national hero and the opening ceremony was a triumph.

2. Couples that don’t talk to each other in restaurants are sad.

3. Sue Pollard what a character eh!

4. Meryl Streep is good at accents.

5. Stephen Fry is multi talented.

6. Being able to dance, sing and act makes you a triple threat.

7. Premiership footballers are overpaid prima donnas.

8. Everyone is laughing at Donald Trump’s hair.

9. Children of the 70s had great childhoods running free outside.

10. The Great British Bake Off is a charming piece of tv.


Jon Payne at 1:25 pm on April 2nd, 2013

ADAM WEST IS NOT REALLY BATMAN.

THERE ARE TOO MANY TV CHANNELS

BRITISH YOUNG PEOPLE DRINK TOO MUCH ON FOREIGN HOLIDAYS


Chris Brook at 1:25 pm on April 2nd, 2013

You can’t trust men with beards.


Gemma at 1:33 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Champagne tastes best even though we know other sparkling wines can be just as good or better.

Food programmes (and their presenters) all become parodies of themselves.


John of Synnott at 1:38 pm on April 2nd, 2013

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN LIKES DOGS


Bill Green at 1:47 pm on April 2nd, 2013

I don’t drink champagne, so wouldn’t want the fizz, but I do have a suggestion:
esports (i.e. competitive video gaming, look it up) should not be in the Olympic Games.


Sarah at 1:49 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The best things in life are free.

It is wrong to argue in front of the kids.

Girls are easier than boys (to bring up - not in a loose morals kind of way)

Never put off until tomorrow what you could do today.

Doing things for others is really fulfilling.

Time invested in your kids is time well spent.

Nobody minds what your house looks like - they’ve come to visit you.


Mark at 1:53 pm on April 2nd, 2013

TEACHERS GET LONG HOLIDAYS


Josh at 1:54 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Here are a few. Perhaps one or two have been used before?

You’ll never understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes.

School days are the best days of your life.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Depression is an illness.

Politicians are just in it for themselves.

The Olympics have made us all proud to be British.

We should be doing all we can to save endangered species.

The British Empire was immoral.

War is stupid.

The Eurovision Song Contest is a joke.

It’s best not to hold grudges.

People are a lot more selfish nowadays.

Experience brings wisdom.


Jim leeder at 1:55 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Fruit is healthier than chocolate for breakast

MPs are out of touch with how most people live.

Kim Jong Un is a bigger warmonger than Tony Blair.

Poker is a more skilled way to gamble than the National Lottery.

The capital of an independent Scotland should be Edinburgh.

Having a garden is better than having a house with private parking in London

Michaelangelo is a better artist than Damien Hurst.

Katherine Jenkins is a better singer than Susan Boyle.

It is fair for teenage drivers to have very high insurance premiums.

 

 

 


Steve Goodlad at 2:05 pm on April 2nd, 2013

THE MILLIBAND BROTHERS ARE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS, IT’S ALL JUST FOR SHOW


Mornington Crescent at 2:11 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Ears should be upside down.
Cheering for the football.
VEnison is made of deers.
There’s no such shame as embarrassment
Snails in a row.


Beth at 2:23 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Being an American, I know I can’t win, but I thought I would post anyway! I’m an admissions counselor for a university so I deal with helicopter parents a lot. So my statement is:

Parents have become too controlling and involved with their children’s lives.

Good luck and cheers from the US!


Jan at 2:27 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Churches should not be exempt from the Sunday Trading Act of 1994.


Paul Blackaby at 2:28 pm on April 2nd, 2013

In their prime the Two Fat Ladies could have beaten the Hairy Bikers in a fist fight.


Hannah at 3:08 pm on April 2nd, 2013

• Film stars are overpaid
• Large companies have a corporate social responsibility
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
• Telemarketers are incredibly annoying and inconvenient
• ‘Skyfall’ has revived the Bond franchise
• We should be trying to prevent the extinction of the polar bears
• Being able to speak multiple languages is incredibly useful
• The youth of today are all about instant gratification


Gareth at 3:12 pm on April 2nd, 2013

John Prescott would not suit a mankini.
Victoria Coren would look hilarious in a kigurumi suit (animal onesie).


Peter at 3:14 pm on April 2nd, 2013

A fun holiday can be had in North Korea


TO at 3:18 pm on April 2nd, 2013

OK, here are a few:

The Olympics inspire us to do our best

It’s better to live in the real world than in your head like Walter Mitty

Social media is damaging our social skills

Kids are happier if they can fit in with their peers

Things that are good for us are less enjoyable than things that are bad for us

If you want thoughtful debate, avoid internet forums

Summer is nicer than winter

It’s better for your mind to read than to watch TV

Educational computer games are better for children than violent video games

Regular homework teaches kids important life skills

School phys ed classes teach us to be more active and healthy as adults


Andy at 3:23 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Here’s one for you.
“The lottery is just a tax on people who can’t do maths.”


Andy at 3:31 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Here’s another one ,which you probably won’t use. I just couldn’t resist though.
“There is far too much of David Mitchell on TV. He’s on Freeview channel 12 so much, they even named the station after him!”


Kath at 3:41 pm on April 2nd, 2013

THINGS AREN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE

SOON, NOBODY WILL HAVE A PHYSICAL BOOK/ MUSIC/ MOVIE COLLECTION, IT’LL ALL BE ELECTRONIC

HOME-COOKED IS BETTER

EVERYBODY KNOWS A DAVID


Qooraf at 3:44 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Homosexuality is now mainstream in Britain!


Pjonze at 3:56 pm on April 2nd, 2013

CHEESE & ONION CRISPS SHOULD ALWAYS COME IN A GREEN BAG.

MAD MEN IS REALLY, REALLY AVERAGE BUT PEOPLE ARE SCARED TO ADMIT IT.


Martin Coleman at 4:17 pm on April 2nd, 2013

@VictoriaCoren VOTING PATTERNS IN THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST ARE MORE POLITICALLY BIASED THAN FOR SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR


Me at 5:07 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Beans make you fart.


Pat at 5:11 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Stephen Fry is a national treasure and hence should be kept in an airtight glass case under guard in the Tower of London


col7o at 6:37 pm on April 2nd, 2013

x-factor, strictly come dancing and britain’s got talent, are not responsible for the current recession


Anna Goldberg at 6:42 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Christine Lagarde has a difficult job.
David Cameron and George Osborne have developed a smirking pact - it puts Ed off.
Austerity measures are quite unpopular.
Appointing a self acclaimed “fascist” as manager to a struggling premiership football team, would be described as a hard sell in P.R terms!


Dan Saltdog at 6:47 pm on April 2nd, 2013

GRAVITY BRINGS YOU DOWN
RADIO 4 PANELISTS ARE OVERPAID
HANGOVERS ARE NO FUN
SWEARING IS NEITHER BIG NOR CLEVER
THIRD WORLD DEBT SHOULD BE WRITTEN OFF


Anna Goldberg at 6:51 pm on April 2nd, 2013

oh and:
Nick Clegg’s leadership of the Lib Dems has not been a startling success.


Chris Bilsland at 7:42 pm on April 2nd, 2013

North Korea ‘s nuclear programme makes the world a more dangerous place


Dan Saltdog at 7:48 pm on April 2nd, 2013

THAT BRIAN COX REALLY KNOWS HIS STUFF
JUSTIN BIEBER’S TARGET AUDIENCE IS THE UNDER 15S
IT IS CONSIDERED BAD MANNERS TO PASS WIND AT THE DINNER TABLE


Ian at 8:12 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Gove is an alien life form
Hitler was evil
poker s a game of skill
Politicians have forgotten they are public servants


David Bridges at 8:59 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The church seems to be getting itself into a right muddle over its stance equality


David at 9:19 pm on April 2nd, 2013

That David Mitchell is punching above his weight.
Jimmy Carr’s laugh seems a bit forced.


shay guevara at 9:42 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Here’s one:
“men want a lady in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom”


Andy the Dealer at 9:52 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Tax avoiding multinationals should be brought to book.

The end of the world isn’t nigh.

The poor are suffering too much in the effort to erase the deficit.

Every journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.

Women who marry should be able to choose whether or not to adopt the surname of their spouse.

The French are mildly annoying.


Blutonium at 10:20 pm on April 2nd, 2013

Stairway to Heaven by Rolf Harris did for music what Aldi beef lasagne did for horses. Or Pop-Tarts did for mouth ulcers. Or Saddam did for world peace. 


Gary at 11:28 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The horsemeat scandal has been bad for British supermarkets.


David at 11:56 pm on April 2nd, 2013

The Beatles will be remembered long after One Direction have been forgotten

Children should be seen and not heard

Poker is a game of skill (I would love to hear Victoria argue the other side of that one)


Catherine at 7:56 am on April 3rd, 2013

WOMEN DISLIKE HAVING THIER BREASTS ‘HONKED’ - (ESPECIALLY WHEN ACCOMMPANIED BY AN OLD FASHIONED CAR HORN NOISE)


Mike Pickard at 8:29 am on April 3rd, 2013

We should ALWAYS reward intelligent ideas with gifts of champagne.


Big Bob at 8:57 am on April 3rd, 2013

1. Men do not enjoy being sick as much as women do.
2. Men over 40 years of age shouldn’t dance.


Jenny Barber at 12:53 pm on April 3rd, 2013

1. Pole dancers are not feminists
2. English is always the dominant language
3. G-Strings are always better than `granny pants’
4. Holidays abroad are better than in the UK
5. `McDonalds’ food isn’t healthy
6. The Royal Opera House has better talent than X-Factor


lisa at 6:21 pm on April 3rd, 2013

Socialising is a waste of valuable media consumption time.


clare at 8:52 pm on April 3rd, 2013

social media is killing the art of conversation

“YOLO” is only used by morons

current journalism is unhealthy


Alan Marsden at 8:52 pm on April 3rd, 2013

Marmite really divides opinion!


barry solomons at 8:53 pm on April 3rd, 2013

All Premiership footballers must carry a handkerchief tucked into their shorts, for when they need to blow their nose…All Premiership clubs must have spittoons placed at regular intervals around the sides of the pitch..


The Tim at 9:29 pm on April 3rd, 2013

ALL PET DOGS SHOULD BE BANNED.

OK, I’m biased as I’m missing part of a finger after a particularly vicious assault by a Labrador but at the end of the day they’re just genetically modified wolves.


jim carr at 10:20 pm on April 3rd, 2013

middle aged men who wear jeans with a suit jacket are very sad.


Marianne at 10:53 pm on April 3rd, 2013

- Corporate speak won’t win you friends.
- The NHS is (or was) a great national institution.
- The Daily Mail is scaremongering and vile.
- The word ‘partner’ should be reserved for same-sex couples.


Ben at 2:03 pm on April 4th, 2013

This looks a lot of fun. Here are some of mine.

1. Lovebites should be proudly worn as a badge of honour.
2. Everyone actually likes smart arses.
3. The Oscars should drop the idea that is about film and instead spend several more hours asking what people are wearing.
4. Libraries are more powerful than politicans
5. Players who have lost an international match the previous week should be forced to take part in the next club match in just their pants.
6. On the same subject - David Beckham is not all that.
7. Kids do more reading and writing these day then they have ever done so in the past due to the rise of social networking.
8. Science fiction will become science fact.
9. Screamo is an unappreciated musical genre.
10. Everyone should stop work every day for the daily watch of Countdown


Maggie H at 9:51 pm on April 4th, 2013

Ooh, there are loads, in fear of repetition;
- Mornings are the best part of the day.
- Women aren’t funny (though I guess you could never use that because the whole show fights that opinion by having at least one funny woman on every week, but then flattery might help me get champagne)
- Men who care too much about their appearance aren’t sexy
- People shouldn’t have opinions on things they don’t really understand


Sharon at 10:47 am on April 5th, 2013

Kids football shirts aren’t good value for money


Guerillatoker at 4:21 pm on April 5th, 2013

Social media is killing our ability to socialize

or

Social media is making us value fake friends more than real friends.


pxh at 10:24 am on April 6th, 2013

Naming your child Adolf is just asking for trouble.


Emily at 12:48 pm on April 7th, 2013

The House of Commons should throw fancy dress parties during votes.


The Tim at 8:57 pm on April 9th, 2013

Quizzing should be made an Olympic sport.

Women’s football is more interesting to watch than men’s.


Julian Triggs at 10:41 pm on April 9th, 2013

JEREMY KYLE REALLY DOES ‘ONLY READ IT OUT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE’S PAID TO DO’

IT’S NEVER TO SOON TO TALK ABOUT LEGACY

RICKY GERVAIS’ OFFICE KILLED THE SITCOM

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE IS MUCH BETTER NOW IT’S JUST CELEBRITIES


The Tim at 9:37 am on April 10th, 2013

1) The host on Only Connect should not allow the contestants to have another go if they’re not completely right.

2) The contestants on Only Connect should get cash prizes.


Janny at 9:38 am on April 10th, 2013

Hmm. This is more difficult than I thought it would be – seems ‘received wisdom’ seems often to be a statement with which I don’t agree.  Here goes
Humour has no place in the bedroom
Comedy is easier to perform than drama
A child will get a better education for life at Eton than at their local state school.
Men aren’t attracted to clever women


Alan Glaum at 8:27 pm on April 11th, 2013

Eton pupils are more civilised than Millwall football fans

Married couples working together is unhealthy

Usain Bolt is the greatest athlete in the world

Oxford is a beautiful city

 


Sarah C at 9:32 pm on April 11th, 2013

Kylie is always referred to as a pint sized pop princess.
There are no teenagers left who do not add an upward inflection to the end of their sentences.
You can never make a quick exit from an Ikea.
Chardonnay is passé.
Angry Birds is addictive.
In American schools, all kids are entitled to leave class the moment the bell rings.


The Tim at 11:20 pm on April 12th, 2013

When former prime ministers die, they should be treated with respect, regardless of whether you agree with their politics, and not compared with any characters from the Wizard of Oz.


Victoria Coren

News: March 2017


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