Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player


I Am A Terrible Godmother

Sunday, 28 February 2010

That’s what I’ve droned about in my column today.

  In my defence, I reckon I’ll come into my own when they’re teenagers. By then, surely a gambling chain-smoking godmother who goes to bed at 4am would be EXACTLY WHAT ANY CHILD WANTS?

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Tim Clague at 6:04 pm on February 28th, 2010

Perhaps a slight renaming to ‘LifeMother’ - doesn’t teach you about god but does teach you about life. More people might sign up to that!


Slowthinker at 6:34 pm on February 28th, 2010

I would have thought a gambling, smoking, fun loving godmother was by far the best sort of godmother to have personally!


Alice at 7:23 pm on February 28th, 2010

i have just been asked to be a godmother. it’s good to know i can abandon the child until they are old enough to talk, and i can teach them the finer points of whiskey.


Alan Glaum at 9:33 pm on February 28th, 2010

My godparents were an uncle and aunt and my only godchild is a nephew.  This is the effective way to make sure godparents stay around.

Oh and at least one of your godchildren will turn out to a new puritan: vegan and disapproving of alcohol, air travel and gambling.


Ian at 11:52 pm on February 28th, 2010

I shouldn’t worry.

My godfather (also my cousin) was last heard of living on a houseboat and didn’t turn up to the last big family funeral.

My godmother (my aunt from the opposite side of the family) posted a Facebook comment the other day about how I wouldn’t be able to afford a nice girlfriend.

You’d really have to try to do much worse for the little blighter…


Drumvesta at 2:33 am on March 1st, 2010

Oh, they will grow up loving you. I have grandkids and they love stopping with me. They use my name & money on PokerStars, drink my vodka and smoke my cigarettes and go to bed when they like. My daughter despairs and my son-in-law calls me a Geriatric Degenerate. I think you may turn out the same… oh yes, they’ll love you and you, like me, will love them too.


Mark at 8:15 am on March 1st, 2010

I’d make a damned good godfather (the most I have is ‘favourite pretend uncle’ status - that sounds wrong). This is for the child of an old schoolfriend who I hooked up with when that child was about three - after the naming the godparents stage.

I’d make a damned good godfather - except for the ‘god’ bit, that is.


MDW at 10:20 am on March 1st, 2010

At least you have the honour of being a godmother, all of my friends now have these little adult things . . .children, that’s what they are called. Not one of them has even asked me, they say they didn’t ask me because they think I don’t like children and they know I’m not comfortable with the whole church thing. One of my best mates had a son 3 years ago and I did worry that he was going to ask me but no, I lost out to another friend of ours - a drug taking, jobless fella. This gives you an idea of how far down the pecking order I am when it comes to my friends’ kids ;-/


Phil at 11:09 am on March 1st, 2010

Interesting article. I have one goddaughter (my cousin) and another lined up (friend’s daughter) and even though I am an utterly lapsed Catholic, I’m pretty good with the responsibilities…well of not missing gifts - I’m not exactly a beacon of dogma and virtue - and absolutely adore them both.
I never feel like I’m getting it right though, or that there is anything “right” to get, so it’s reassuring to see that not having a clue is the default state for godparents everywhere.
God knows what’ll happen if I eventually have my own..


C Scott at 8:11 pm on March 1st, 2010

The new pic here makes you look like something from the winter Olympics!

@Alan Glaum - Speaking as a veggie teetotaller who has only just planned her second ever by-air trip and never ever gambles, the characteristics you list do not preclude being a big fan of a meat-eating, drinking, air miles-collecting poker player.


Lusipher Diablo at 9:36 pm on April 12th, 2010

As long as at least one of my friends keeps up their end of the bargain, I should be a godfather sometime within the next year or two and i’m very much looking forward to it ... as long as I’m actually allowed to teach the sprogs, things I think they ought to know very early in life!

I’m not too keen on the whole going in to a church thing though.


Witch Hazel at 7:26 pm on April 13th, 2010

Just solved the connecting wall 4 times. Obsessed!


Victoria Coren

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