Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player

I fear Twitter

Thursday, 9 April 2009

PokerStars have tricked me into opening an account there, as part of a grand plan to create a community of Team Pro tweeters. I don’t mind that - I think it’s a good idea. If they can build a special page or special link from PokerStars so that (during an EPT, for example) you can look up everyone’s updates at once, I think that would be great. When I can’t make the event, I’d love to see how the other players are doing, in a tidy list of updates tinged with exultation or miserable bitterness, depending.

The problem is, I’m not at EPTs much of the time. So I know, I just know, I’m going to get sucked in to writing on there that I’m eating some cereal or watching Mad Men or wondering if it rains on the moon. More of my life down the drain; once again, I defer finishing my book or having children or learning Chinese because I’m so busy telling the world that I think there’s a spider in the bath. Then there’s reading other people’s tweets. Already, one day in, I keep logging back in to find out if there’s any more news on my friend Claudia’s attempt to buy a hamster. Do I need to know that she tried a local pet shop but they only sold dog food? No. If she actually buys the bloody thing, I’m sure she’ll tell me about it on the phone anyway.

Also, I’m horrifically un-techno. My name doesn’t appear in the “search” on Twitter, I have no idea why, but it presumably means I can’t have any “followers” (which I need, really, to impress PokerStars with the giant army of people who are keen to know whether I’m having butter or margerine on a baked potato), although nine people seem to have found me by accident. God knows how they got there. On the minus side, PokerStars might start thinking I’m the least interesting person in the world. On the plus side, I quite like broadcasting to these nine strangers. If I need to express the fact that I’ve just lost a huge pot with trip nines against a pair of sixes, I could tell more people by simply opening my window and shouting. (Which, when it happened, I obviously did.) But there’s something quite sweet about this tiny community. We’ll see….

PS. Oh, apparently if you’d like to ‘follow’ and hear all about whether I’ve stubbed my toe, or maybe put too much sugar in my tea, you would please go to and click “follow”.



Facebook Google Digg Reddit Yahoo! StembleUpon Newsbine LiveJournal BlinkList

Add Comment


Martin at 11:40 pm on April 9th, 2009

Pour Vix. I think you should just stick to what you know best and be you, play poker, write articles and not tit-bits of sentences for a few strangers to see so they know what you’re up to every second of your life.

Having a blog is enough info…lol

Time to start to prioritise what YOU want to do in life.


P.S Did this really get posted at 11.30pm…

LC at 1:54 pm on April 10th, 2009

C’mon Vicky, this is obviously that glaring golden opportunity to befriend Philip Schofield.

Matt M at 2:24 pm on April 10th, 2009

Twitter seems like a soulless obligation to me. I know it’s the little things in life that make it interesting but that can’t be conveyed to a bunch of strangers in 140 characters, can it?

I don’t really care that you’re eating cream cakes unless I can see the guilty smile join the cream on your face as your failure to eat them daintily dawns on you. And I don’t really care that you have stubbed your toe unless I can hear the building echo with a husky voiced barrage of filth directed at everyone from Geppetto to the most innocent IKEA sales assistant.

A single blog entry is more informative and entertaining than 15 “tweets” and I’m sure the world can wait for the blood to dry on your stiletto before hearing the legendary fable of Vicky Coren vs The Dinner Plate Sized Spider.

Matt M at 2:25 pm on April 10th, 2009

PS: I’ve just made a cup of tea and am currently weighing up the respective merits of the fruit shortcake and the custard cream. I will keep you up to date with my analysis and report my findings.

(Damn! That was more than 140 characters. The tweeters of the world will never know…)

Eisuke at 4:27 pm on April 10th, 2009

Victoria, your recently finished poker memoir seems to be listed on amazon now.  I’m sure Pokerstars gets a mention in the book, so if anything is worth a “tweet”, surely this is it.

David R at 5:34 pm on April 10th, 2009

Of course, the first ever tweets were sent by Paul McCartney:


Woke up

8:05 AM Jan 10th 1967 from St. John’s Wood

Fell out of bed

8:20 AM Jan 10th 1967

Dragged a comb across my head

8:42 AM Jan 10th 1967

Phil at 8:28 pm on April 10th, 2009

Oh God, not another social networking site to further devastate my working day…
When my business partner comes after me for doing nothing that I should be, I shall be forced to drop your name. To be perfectly honest though, it’s just too good an oppurtunity to stalk Stephen Fry to be passed up.

I’m tweeting well in!

Victoria Coren at 12:05 am on April 11th, 2009

“OMG” as we say on Twitter - the book really IS on Amazon. That’s terrifying. It’s so far from being finished, that isn’t even definitely the title. I mean, two thirds of it is done, and some of it almost quite good, but it still needs finishing and polishing and all sorts of things, don’t want to hurry it out before it’s as good as I can make it. I feel ill. Thanks for the tip-off, will see if I can get it removed.

  Very funny post about Paul McCartney by the way. That cheered me up.

Eisuke at 1:12 am on April 11th, 2009

Ugh, sorry, hope I haven’t caused any hassle.  Feel free to delete the original post.  Dangerous this idle chatter business!

Victoria Coren at 11:45 am on April 11th, 2009

Not at all, not all! Very useful information. I need plenty of kicks up the backside to get this book finished anyway.

MarkP at 2:48 pm on April 11th, 2009

“But how did she win it? In For Richer, For Poorer, Victoria Coren’s long-awaited poker memoir, she answers this question. It is an intensely honest story of twenty years of obsession, of highs and lows, wins and losses, friendships, power plays, loneliness and addiction. It is a book that takes us from the grimy underworld of illegal cash games to the high glamour of Monte Carlo and Las Vegas”

Sounds like a rollercoaster of a ride and all in 288 pages. Got to be a film in there or at very least a mini-series. A chance for Gwyneth Paltrow to show off her English accent or perhaps Sienna Miller for the mini-series or even the mystery Channel 4 voiceover lady if it’s a radio play.

David R at 5:27 pm on April 11th, 2009

As it’s Easter, I thought I’d post a link to the epic mini-series, Jesus of Nazareth. It was filmed in 1977 – the days when people still believed in God.

I’m not religious myself, but Hark! Look at the freakin’ cast list! (first couple of minutes):

Reigate at 11:21 pm on April 11th, 2009

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And mourners to and fro
Kept treading-treading-till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through-

And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum-
Kept beating-beating-till I thought
My Mind was going numb-

And then I heared them flick a switch,
In some Neural Transmitter-
Quite woebegone-it dawned on me
That Vicky’d gone a-Twitter…..

....with all appropriate apologies….

Victoria Coren at 6:35 pm on April 14th, 2009

I should add, I’m now COMPLETELY HOOKED on Twitter. I think the best thing about it is that everyone there seems really *nice*. Surely it can’t last….

willwalmsley at 8:07 pm on April 14th, 2009


I was your first Twitter troll. There will likely be many more. I honestly didn’t expect you to respond, but well done for doing so. Nothing gets passed by on the interwebs. Why don’t you be my friend.

Hope I didn’t cause you too much stress. Or were pokerstars on the phone immediately? heh

All the best,


Garreth at 1:44 am on October 30th, 2009

I read a bbc article on the reporters 10 day quit from facebooking. It reminded me how addicting the internet is (he says with a raft of your blog posts open while posting here rather than doing the tomorrow due assignment).

Maybe we all need to shut down our laptops and come up with some aspirational aspirations…any suggestions?

Victoria Coren

News: September 2017

September 7th is a big day!

Click here to read more »

Switch Theme

Click here to change colour scheme

RSS Feed

Subscribe to the RSS feed here