Proud To Be All Natural
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Oh look! There are fake mes on Facebook! Two Victoria Corens, with photos and everything. This is definitely a step up the celebrity ladder. With these sinister pretend mes, I have clawed my way from the Z rung at least as far as Y.
I do have a real Facebook page but I never use it for anything, never post, take months to answer messages, I’m rubbish. I sometimes go on and click “accept friend request” to lots of people I don’t know, but there’s no value in it for them. I worry about people who watch Only Connect or read The Observer befriending these fake mes and getting dodgy fake information - having said that, they’re probably more active on Facebook than I am, so may make better friends.
Interesting characters both. One of them seems to be a keen player of “MyTown”, some sort of internet property game, and has a lot of Greek friends. I approve of the latter enormously. I’m glad she’s found time to create an international social life, despite the long hours clicking “buy luxury hotel” and “remortgage”.
The other (my favourite) has a birthdate of 1987. Ah….. not so much a fake me as a lovely parallel me, only 22 years old, dewy with hope and possibility for the future. I stare at her wistfully. Idealistic in her youth, she urges followers to say NO to capitalism, and stop live animal skinning in China. Fair enough. But I must say, as a poker player, it’s hard for the real me to say NO to capitalism. It’s not like I love it or anything. But I’d be more likely to join a group which encouraged its members to say A RELUCTANT AND SUSPICIOUS IT’LL DO FOR NOW to capitalism. Hurray for this fake young me with her stronger opinions. Good luck to you, you lovely hopeful young thing, I think as I click “report this user for impersonation”. There; that should kill her off by the end of the week.
I also notice, as I look up these mysterious frauds (thanks to my friend Claire who emailed to let me know), that there is a new Facebook group, The ‘I Hate Victoria Coren’ society. The page advises you to join if you hate “her awful fashion sense as well as her stupid face!”. Sigh, they’re not wrong. I always had terrible fashion sense. Must try harder. Not sure what to do about the stupid face though. Are there plastic surgeons who can add signs of intelligence? Perhaps a couple of indents on the bridge of my nose, to imply the regular wearing of spectacles.
The creator of the group, one Sarah Waterfield, has kicked off the discussion page with the statement “Hi! I’m Victoria Coren! I’m a div!”. I think that’s quite sweet, in a way. Call me smug (she does) but I don’t think that divviness is the most obviously annoying thing about me. I mean, God knows I have my moronic areas (I can’t wire a plug, I’m always losing my keys and I never understand the plots of thrillers) but I’m sure there are more obviously divvy people. I usually hear “privileged”, “fat”, “not funny” - they’re the big three - and they’re worryingly close to home. “Div” is a new one, it’s refreshing, it rings the changes. And I like the way she phrases it, “Hello! I’m a div!”. Never mind 22; it makes me feel 12 again. Happy days.