Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player


Sun confusion

Monday, 2 November 2009

I’m still trying to keep pretty quiet while the jury duty plays itself out, but I would like to note my grumpy confusion when I read The Sun today during a lunch break. The big page three news is that footballer Theo Walcott has bought his girlfriend Melanie a £140,000 Ferrari.

“The 20-year-old Arsenal ace ordered the California model to replace the white VW Beetle he bought her three years ago… He and physiotherapy student Mel met at a shopping mall in Southampton in 2006.”

  Well, WHICH IS SHE? A model or a physiotherapy student? And I really don’t think that, within a happy young relationship, he should be ordering her to do anything…

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David R at 7:51 pm on November 2nd, 2009

“Get your arse. Into that red Ferrari. NOW.

And while you’re at it, take the furry dice, and your Gucci accessories out of the VW – cos it’s goin’ in the crusher. UNDERSTAND?”


Pete at 7:54 pm on November 2nd, 2009

Think the currant bun was saying that the car’s a California model of Ferrari.

Oh, it’s just been explained to me by people who understand wit, that you were making a joke.


leon71 at 8:17 pm on November 2nd, 2009

Oh, hold up, my love object has got a three year old car. OMG, that’s not the kind of image it, she, erm, we should be portraying. “I order you to have this Ferrari.”. *shucks* I’m so glad that you can buy happiness.


AndytheDealer at 10:15 pm on November 2nd, 2009

I don’t know who should be more worried here, the criminal justice system or the accused.

Vicky, it’s The Sun!


steve at 10:40 pm on November 2nd, 2009

she probably does a good job looking after his equipment (balls & stuff)


AndytheDealer at 10:45 pm on November 2nd, 2009

I’m probably being a bit harsh, because you’re almost certainly going stir- crazy in that Jury room.  I know, I’ve been there and The Sun can look very interesting if the rest of the jury aren’t your conversational cup of tea.

But…The Sun is The Sun is The Sun!


glasgow rich at 10:56 pm on November 2nd, 2009

well, you will read the sun and believe that a single word they write actually corresponds to reality now won’t you! ;p


C Scott at 12:07 am on November 3rd, 2009

I would like to note my grumpy confusion when I read you read The Sun today


Richard Marvell at 2:39 am on November 3rd, 2009

We’re talking about a footballer here Vicky, who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Your life values are not Theo’s - he views things from a totally different perspective. I’ll be controversial here but people only order you to do something with your own permission. She is comfortable with the lifestyle and reflected fame that he provides and no doubt likes him as well. This relationship is probably not as deep as we would imagine though…


John at 5:19 am on November 3rd, 2009

I do hope you’re interpreting the trial evidence a little more accurately, Victoria, otherwise you’ll be convicting the witness box of something heinous.


David Young at 5:43 am on November 3rd, 2009

I am similarly cursed with a literal mind. I can’t read headlines like ‘Missing kids found safe’ without wondering how much money was in the safe.

Every year there’s someone ‘held’ over a ‘case’, leading me to wonder how many people were needed to hold them over it.

Schoolchildren ‘suspended by head’ cause me equal anxieties.


Victoria Coren at 10:27 am on November 3rd, 2009

I think the enjoyment of this post is divided sharply between those who are familiar with the Ferrari California and those who aren’t… I find I love both sides equally, for different reasons. Sorry for spreading the confusion though.


fourstar at 1:17 pm on November 3rd, 2009

I read it the same as you, but as an Arsenal fan I knew polite young Theo was just too nice to order anyone to do anything at all, ever. Shame, he might score a few more for us if he did…


Phil at 2:14 pm on November 3rd, 2009

By a similar token, whenever I read of a “Man eating tiger” I’m always torn whether I should phone the RSPCA or not.
That was far too sophisticated a play on words for the internet, Vicky. You might need another series of “Balderdash..” to find the right audience to connect with that one.


RomanticRecluse at 3:55 pm on November 3rd, 2009

As I’m not a Sun reader, at first I didn’t get the joke at all and then I got it but was still confused by the California bit.  I’m not into cars so I’d never heard of the Ferrari California which still seems strange to me as Ferraris are as Italian as pizza, the Mafia and surrendering.  I’m still confused but that’s normal for me.

Anyway, if you’re bored in a court lunch break in the next few days the new issues of Nuts and Zoo are out.  I am led to believe they regularly report on footballers, the partners of footballers and cars and are like a weekly version of The Sun but without the grubby fingerprints of Rupert Murdoch all over them.  Perhaps someone will leave them lying around for you to pick up.

Now whatever happened to that Robert Maxwell?  He seemed like a nice bloke.


Colm at 4:44 pm on November 3rd, 2009

Damn you Vicky Coren!

I knew this would happen, I knew it!
I put off reading your book for as long as I could but finally had to cave in. I loved every word of it and raced through it from start to finish. Now I find myself bereft.
What do I do now?

ps, the Sun does ‘news’, who knew?


Perry at 12:18 am on November 4th, 2009

So there was OTHER big news on Page Three????? I need to get the Sun back and check again.


john at 1:04 am on November 6th, 2009

Could it be that she is a model studying physiotherapy or a physio studying to be a model?


Pete at 9:42 am on November 6th, 2009

I love you Vicky! x


John at 7:18 pm on November 7th, 2009

‘Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you, did she die in vain?’
You really have to squeeze that line in somewhere, or maybe just let it swirl through your mind, whilst nodding sagely.


Okeephe at 9:07 pm on November 7th, 2009

Everyone is a ‘model’.  Just seems most have not thought about what it is they are modelling…

I too love making fun of the errors in newspaper headlines. The other day, in our version of the Sun, we had a headline that read ‘Cougar not hungry or ill’.  It was about a lady that was attacked and killed by two coyotes.?!?


TonyA at 3:57 pm on November 8th, 2009

Glad I joined this late, I missed the pun at first… besides such a shallow gift - I would buy you much more meaningful presents Vicky & they would provide endless amusement for you whilst jurying…


danny maris at 3:01 am on November 13th, 2009

“Voluptuous Vicky certainly hasn’t got a poker face…she’s an Ace with a Diamond smile. With her around Jack will never be a dull boy.” 

Is how the Sun might describe you on page 3. Thought you might like to know.


Victoria Coren

News: March 2017


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