Sunday, 23 May 2010
You’ve been out shopping in London. You’re exhausted. You’re running late. You decide to treat yourself to a comfortable ride. Taxi!
But what is wrong with the taxi that you hail?
Is the problem that the light isn’t on, signalling unavailability? No. Look again. Blank number plate? That’s not it.
There you go! That’s what’s wrong with it! The taxi has Noel Edmonds at the wheel.
Noel was in the paper yesterday, with the news (is it news? It was in the newspaper) that his wife has bought him a mannequin to keep in the back of his taxi, so it looks full and people don’t hail it.
But I still don’t think it’s fair. How come people are allowed to buy taxis if they aren’t taxi drivers? It means they get to drive in the bus lane, that’s not fair! I don’t think they’re supposed to drive in the bus lane, but they do. Stephen Fry and Prince Philip have black cabs too, I wonder if they drive in bus lanes? I bet they bloody do. I would.
I have to try not to resent people for getting to drive in the bus lane when I can’t. After all, London traffic can’t be seriously affected one way or the other by three celebrities in taxis, can it? Getting cross with people for having things you don’t, when their having it doesn’t make your life worse.. that’s a bad place to be. Next thing you know, you’re hating models for being pretty and sending death threats to pop stars. One step further into mad seething rage, and you’re posting on Comment Is Free. So I shall stop typing so crossly.
But in all seriousness, I don’t think people should be allowed to drive taxis if they aren’t licensed taxi drivers. Isn’t that dangerous? These cars are meant to be beacons of safety on the road. If Noel Edmonds can buy one, why not a thief, or a rapist? Noel is the type of fake taxi driver who doesn’t want anybody to get in. What about the type of fake taxi driver who DOES want people to get in? Quite chilling.
Sorry to be all tub-thumpy - but if there isn’t a law against buying a black cab without a licence, I really think there should be.