The Platell Game, Level X
Saturday, 11 October 2008
Anyone who enjoyed The Platell Game a few posts ago (in which players have to predict which way the outspoken Mail columnist Amanda Platell will jump on any given issue) will be delighted to hear that the firebrand is on fine form today. Her October 11th column takes us to Level X of the game: nearly impossible to get right.
The news story is that Prince Charles is leaving for a tour of Japan and Indonesia, intended to promote British trade. So, for five points… is Amanda pleased, at this difficult time for domestic industry, to see Prince Charles doing his bit to boost exports?
No! Amanda sees this trip (although admitting that it is “to promote trade”) as a “ten-day jolly”. She asks, “Could there be any greater display of contempt for the hardships the rest of us are facing? While ordinary people are terrified of losing their homes, pensions and savings, Charles and Camilla are in danger of behaving like pre-revolutionary French aristocrats, blind to the offence most Britons take at their self-indulgent, plutocratic lifestyle”.
Despite the trade angle, Amanda believes this trip is a self-indulgent fat-cat holiday. So, Platell Game fans: how does she feel about the fact that Prince Charles’s wife, the Duchess of Cornwall, is not joining him for the entire trip? Does this mean brownie points for the Duchess, for not being too self-indulgent?
No! Amanda reveals: “His sickeningly work-shy wife Camilla will be returning early from the tour, as she doesn’t like the heat. Evidently, after six arduous days, Her Royal Laziness needs to ‘catch her breath’.”
In other words: Prince Charles is lazy and selfish for spending ten days in the Far East. Camilla is lazy and selfish for not spending ten days there.
He is going on “a jolly”. But she is “workshy” for coming home.
Only absolute world-class players of the Platell Game will have got the full ten points here. As for poor Charles and Camilla, they certainly can’t win…