Victoria Coren Mitchell - Writer, Broadcaster & Poker Player

You Have Been Watching

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Tonight on Channel 4, I’m a guest on Charlie Brooker’s TV review show, You Have Been Watching. It’s at 9 or 10 o’clock, something like that. I wasn’t sure whether to advertise it on here, since I haven’t seen an advance dvd and I think the chances are high that I’ll come across like a moron. Then again, it makes a nice change from listing dates of poker shows or Only Connects, and might trick you all into thinking that I have magnificent range as a performer.

  I don’t know whether I’ll watch it myself. I’m in Cardiff doing Late Night Poker, which goes on very late so I’ll either be in the studio or on a train and I might use my klutziness with the “catchup TV” function as a handy excuse to avoid viewing. I dunno. I dunno. They are terrifying, these shows. I said I’d do it because I am a slavish admirer of Charlie Brooker, I think the man is a genius in several ways. And the production team told me emphatically, “It’s not a panel show! Not a vehicle for comedians! Don’t worry! You don’t have to do jokes! It’s just a conversation, nothing panel-show about it, no comedy required, just come along and chat.”

  Then, the night before the recording, they sent me the list of other guests in my episode (comedian Phil Jupitus and comedian Jack Whitehall) and a dvd of a previous episode in which Charlie Brooker spoke the words, and I quote directly: “Time for the terrifying quick-fire buzzer round.”

  If that counts as “just a normal conversation”, I’m not bloody going for dinner at Charlie Brooker’s house.

  Then there were the chairs. The chairs worried me most of all. I stared at them intently on the dvd. Great vast squashy things. Chairs in which one could not, with any decency, wear a skirt. Chairs from which the feet of anyone under 5 foot 6 would not touch the ground. Chairs in which Kate Moss would look fat. And they ask why women don’t do panel shows! I phoned Ruth, the producer, and told her she was an Uncle Tom. I told her that it was bad enough making me go in there with a couple of alpha males who’d have so many one-liners and comic riffs that I would have to force my way into the conversation if I was going to say anything, and forcing oneself into conversation is most unladylike, so I’d just be a completely silent guest - and now it turned out, examining her horrific set furniture, that I would be a silent and ESPECIALLY SHORT AND FAT guest. A sort of Ernie Wise role, with fewer jokes.

  I was supposed to be at the studio at 5pm. At 5.15pm I was sitting on the steps outside my flat, chainsmoking, nearly physically sick from terror, wondering what it would look like if I was completely silent throughout the entire recording (as seemed likely), thinking about what would happen to my career if I simply didn’t show up on the night, calculating how long it would take me to build a canoe. Finally I dragged my sorry, terrified arse into the car and crawled down there.
  Weirdly, as it turned out, it really WAS just a conversation. A conversation with buzzers. The host was all nice and hospitable, and other guests weren’t interrupty and abrasive at all. I’ve known Phil Jupitus for a few years but never done a programme with him; I assumed he’d be scary in that context but he wasn’t, he isn’t, he chatted as normally and generously as if we were sitting in a pub, just with extra jokes. So, if anything, I got too comfortable. I curled up on the giant chair as if was the sofa at home, and wittered at Charlie Brooker for so long that only basic politeness stopped him from telling me to shut up. I was like the mad neighbour who corners you at the post box. At one point, during a debate about the merits of 1990s game show You Bet, I even shouted at him. On his own show. When it came to the quiz bit, with buzzers, my competitive streak sprang suddenly to the fore; after two series in the host’s chair at Only Connect, watching impotently as the contestants grapple with puzzles to which I already know the solutions, I suddenly found myself hammering the buzzer as if it was the doorbell on the first day of the Harrods sale, shrieking possible answers, right, wrong, I didn’t care, I was just GREEDY FOR POINTS.

  My cooler self, the bit that was floating somewhere far above this strange curled-up wittering woman on the sofa, looked jealously at Jack Whitehall. He had the calm composure of Cary Grant. He was quiet a lot of the time, didn’t fight to speak, kept his own counsel… and then occasionally came in with a perfect little series of comments all in one go, summing everything up, full of jokes. And he’s 21 years old! It’s like he was born in the shape of a perfect panel show guest.

  Anyway. I dunno, I dunno. With kindly editing, maybe I’ll look vaguely normal. If not… would total stubborn silence have been better? Only the iPlayer will tell me and I might avoid it. But if you find yourself watching, please remember they told me I didn’t have to be funny. And I am a professional, I always do what I’m told.

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Keith I at 9:21 am on August 25th, 2009

Heh, well after that I wish I could see it!

Over here in Canuck land we don’t get your shows, at least not until a few years later.

As for the ‘alpha males’ I can’t see them being an issue, after some of the ones you play poker against!

Hardhhhat at 10:37 am on August 25th, 2009

Look forward to watching the show thanks for the heads up on it. I have only seen a couple of episodes as I didn’t find it overly interesting to be honest. I am sure Poker is much more fun. I did once appear on Countdown back when Richard and Carol were doing it and I have to say it was a great day out although I lost :o)
Thanks to the editing you don’t see any of the swearing that happens either…

Phil always looks like a friendly funny guy on whatever I have seen him on and would like to think he is like that off screen but I guess you can’t always be like that.

So you didn’t crack any jokes at all - I know from Only Connect you have had your moments and a chuckle here and there.

Looking forward to it.

charlie at 11:37 am on August 25th, 2009

It’s a great show vicky,  charlie brooker is one funny guy, you’ll be just perfect for it, canny wait till tonight, beats the shit out of chain smoking, bitter lesbians and deranged toy freaks anyday!

Phil at 1:30 pm on August 25th, 2009

Stop this self deprecation. I get the impression that Brooker has quite a big say in who gets invited on to the show, so you were asked presumably because he and/or others have respect for what you do. And quite rightly too.

I doubt he or they were expecting a long haired version of your great father, or anything else other than you, as you are. Keep up the splendid work!

Clyde at 1:54 pm on August 25th, 2009

I cant wait to watch it tonight! If you’re even half as funny as your description was then i’ll be laughing all night long. It’s so nice to see you doing different things.

Bill Green at 2:45 pm on August 25th, 2009

I saw the first show and was rather disappointed. Screenwipe in a vaguely quiz-like format with guests just didn’t do it for me. Far better Mr. Brooker on his own, ranting at a prop TV set. I’ll probably still watch tonight though.

Jo at 5:39 pm on August 25th, 2009

Aaah, Coren and Brooker together on TV again. If only it was for another History of Corners.

Fitch at 6:23 pm on August 25th, 2009

I’m sure you will come off it with colours flying everywhere.

Not like me at a recording of Heresy. I knew from the moment it started you were going to ask me to say something. Did I cock it up? Of course I did.

By the way, why wasn’t John Cooper Clark on that night?  Mind you David Mitchell would take some beating on anything, didn’t you contact him to see what it was like on Brooker’s show? He was on a couple of weeks back.


Craig at 6:47 pm on August 25th, 2009

Charlie Brooker is a brilliant writer and his Screenwipe on BBC4 is one of the best programmes on TV . It is long overdue a promotion to a sensible BBC2 time slot where it would hopefully achieve the audience and acclaim it deserves.

However, I don’t think that You Have Been Watching is the best vehicle for his talents and it seems like his humour and creativity are being shoehorned into saleable TV format when a “popular” host would have done the job.

David at 8:04 pm on August 25th, 2009

This is just about my favourite show of the moment and I’m sure you will be great. Plenty of scope for different personalities and I’ve not seen anyone look bad yet. You underestimate your lovable charm. Looking forward to tonight’s episode more than usual.

Andrew at 9:10 pm on August 25th, 2009

I suspect you’ll be more critical of your performance than any of us Vicky but we’ll give you the nod on whether to brave the I-Player!

Ryan at 10:19 pm on August 25th, 2009

Aye, you looked rather sexy on it.:D

PADDY at 10:50 pm on August 25th, 2009

Good idea to go on that show. I’d never seen or heard of you before but now that I have i’ll keep an eye out for you as I thought you came across as supersexy and now I see you won too,well done.

Pc at 10:51 pm on August 25th, 2009

Just finished watching it (UK, Channel 4 @ 10), don’t worry you were awesome and looked very nice ;)

Marshall at 10:52 pm on August 25th, 2009

Hi Victoria,

Well it’s just finished and you came across fine. A bit smiley, but you looked dead sexy curled up in that chair .. and you won (smartypants!). Anyway there’s nothing wrong with smiling. God you are sexy.

alistair at 10:52 pm on August 25th, 2009

Well I have no idea who you are and I was just flicking through the channels, but I thought you came across as composed, intelligent and absolutely gorgeous!

—- Alistair

Nick at 10:54 pm on August 25th, 2009

Can’t imagine what you were watching during the adult education section - but your face was a picture! Crushed my memories of You Bet though - I remember it with happiness! But then I was about 7….

Chris at 10:54 pm on August 25th, 2009

I just watched it and I see what you mean about the chairs. Shame, it would have been nice to see Phil Jupitus in a skirt…

(oh, and I notice who won btw)

Janghier at 10:56 pm on August 25th, 2009

Now this is why i love living now. Was sat watching the show, didn’t know of you or your work, searched for it, and here i am writing in your blog page! Anyhow,  i’ve been been watching the show for the past few weeks. The show is easily watchable, the look back at tv gone by brings back childhood memories, which can’t be bad. Now i can fill my brain with more knowledge, I know of Hufty from “The Word” lol. Think the comedy aspect is what makes me come back for more and more. As for your performance, as good as any other guest, found you to be genuine and i was drawn to what you had to say, especially hard in the presence of brooker and jupiter. You can now add one to your fan count
All the best in all you do, i’ll look forward to it


Andy at 10:57 pm on August 25th, 2009

Victoria, you were brilliant: sharp, beautiful, witty and dignified. And you remembered Bouncer’s dream!

Andy at 11:02 pm on August 25th, 2009

Vic you were Great… and you won!.. You looked so at home curled up on the chair.. you had nothing to worry about!. a natural in front of the camera as usual. :-)

Rainbow at 11:04 pm on August 25th, 2009

How on earth did you know that bloke was a stripper? It DID sound like you, on the other end of the phone. I think you spent the 90s masquerading as an aromatherapist.

You need more confidence in yourself. Honestly, you walk this sort of thing. Although your knowledge of appalling 90s TV DOES seem a little too well-rounded for complete comfort.

richard at 11:05 pm on August 25th, 2009

Just wondered who you were? Strange very direct women. lol Quite sucessfull i see now. Throught you off big brother shows how much i know.But i take it your “the pretty girl” on some poker tour by all accounts.

Tommy K at 11:07 pm on August 25th, 2009

Good conversational skills Victoria, it’s a great show and nice to see a decent vehicle for Mr Brooker’s sardonic observations.
I hadn’t seen you before and you came across well enough for me to find your virtual self and type something on here so well played!
Did you like my performance as “person sat at home”?  I thought it went well with the addition of a nice cup of rooibos during the second break being a critically acclaimed piece de resistance…

Victoria Coren at 11:13 pm on August 25th, 2009

Hurray, “what very nice comments”, as they say on the X Factor. Excellent performance from all as “people sat at home”. Rainbow: I know lots about 90s TV because it coincided with my late teens. When everyone else was going out, taking drugs, having sex and crashing cars, I was watching Neighbours.

Colm at 11:15 pm on August 25th, 2009

Don’t know what you were worried about, you were brilliant, roll on another appearance next season.

Watching you and the rest of the guests watching the sex education film has to be the highlight of the series.

Andy at 11:22 pm on August 25th, 2009

Aye, right. You were just a bit shy, eh?

Matt at 11:27 pm on August 25th, 2009

I too watched the show, took an instant liking to your good self, enjoyed your sparring with Charlie and after a brief stop at Wikipedia, I too am posting on your blog. Scary!

Vanessa at 11:31 pm on August 25th, 2009

That’s how I spent my teenage years too Victoria. Cultivating geekdom is always good. I thought you were great on You Have Been Watching - my favourite guest yet, I think - and you came across really well. Don’t worry!

Simon Jobson at 11:32 pm on August 25th, 2009

Either you were innately fab or they edited you very well.  I prefer the former.

Good going on the bouncer dream episode too.  I shouted that just as you answered.

Joe at 11:39 pm on August 25th, 2009

I have to agree with the comments above. I’ve enjoyed Charlie’s (overly) sarcastic rants on Guardian and for the same reason, I’ve watched the show as well.

You, so far, have been the only one of the guests who managed to render him speechless with your comment about You Bet post-apocalyptic skills. Well done. I loved every second of it.

I loved watching a witty, funny, intelligent and sexy woman like you on TV, who had something to say, unlike the ladies on X-factor for example.

Your appearance in the show made me Google you and was pleased to find out you’re a columnist, so that I can enjoy your witty observations in the future as well.

Keep up the good work!

Andrew at 11:51 pm on August 25th, 2009

I agree with all the above - Jupitus was on great form (as usual), the young ‘un was funny and you were by no means out of place.  You got your share of the laughs on the show - no mean achievement.  The show has been ‘here and there’ by the very high standards of Charlie Brooker but this was by far the best of the run.  Memo to producers - next time more Jupitus and Coren please!

If the chair was supposed to make you look small and tubby it failed miserably by the way.  Oh, and in the sex ed vid, when it came to discussing what was surprising afterwards I’d suspect it was the prostate examination (or maybe that’s just me).

MarkP at 12:01 am on August 26th, 2009

Wonderful show and you not only won but rendered Charlie Brooker speechless, that must be a first. Were you really that nervous or just bad editing because it seemed like feet up, feet down, feet up every time you were in shot.

Pete Galey at 12:01 am on August 26th, 2009

Only Connect and You Have Been Watching are my favourite shows at the minute, so I was in hog’s heaven, except for this one bit where my housemate made me vacuum a spider in her bedroom just as you were all hearing about putting a moistened finger in an anus. I am very proud of that last sentence.

adam at 12:11 am on August 26th, 2009

you shone, as ever. the rant at charlie was the highlight of the show. you should really be more confident ad libbing, always thought they were the best bits in heresy. you are erudite and have a sharp mind, it would be nice to hear more of it.
know what you mean about panel shows tho. i can no longer watch the battle of egos that is mock the week, where often the much funnier guests can’t get a word in.
got to agree with the others too, charlie’s best work is screen/news wipe.

Graham at 12:16 am on August 26th, 2009

I enjoyed the show so much I’m watching it again!

Charlie T at 12:24 am on August 26th, 2009

Just watched the show, it has definitely been a hit and miss sort of run with at least two episodes being completely forgettable, but this one was one of the gems. All panelists and the host were on top form, well done!

You should definitely do more of these

Platypus at 12:31 am on August 26th, 2009

I can understand anyone being nervous at the prospect of going in front of Charlie Brooker, but I thought you handled him perfectly. Nice that he wasn’t in one of his more bilious moods :)
. .
  . Bouncer’s dream. Words fail me…

Victoria Coren at 12:36 am on August 26th, 2009

All right, STOP IT NOW. This is bad for my ego. And if there are any more nice things, someone will feel obliged to come on and say that I wasn’t funny at all, couldn’t sit still and have a horrible bumpy nose in the profile shots. Thank you all very much for being so lovely, NO MORE NICE COMMENTS! xxx

Andy at 12:39 am on August 26th, 2009

I thought the show was you & Charlie. Jupitus has lost his edge (there was one point where he laboured a joke so much that even the studio audience weren’t buying it. Awkward. He just sort of described what we’d just seen. No insight, nothing. Brooker is brilliant, and your’re his match. If i was BBC commissioning twat, I’d have you in a head-to-head every week. Coren-Brooker face-off. You’re posh, so you’ll have read books, but he’s pretending not to be posh, so he’d have to counter it with comics and penny chews.

Pc at 12:43 am on August 26th, 2009

You sound as cute as you look :) oh hang on you don’t want the nice comments umm… i lied, i didn’t enjoy it, none of us did! ;)

Andy at 12:47 am on August 26th, 2009

****. Well, you did say…

[sorry - asterisked your post and ruined your joke, mod.]

Boris at 1:18 am on August 26th, 2009

I just watched the show and thought you were really good. You do see a lot of guests on panel shows saying nothing and its kinda pitiful but you were great!

daniel maris at 1:20 am on August 26th, 2009

Victoria you were great - and you won.  Come on!

A slavish admirer of Charlie? Each to his/her own!

Seems to me you are streets ahead of him in wit, wisdom and worldliness.  I think you neatly skewered him on the p o r n references! Ha-ha!!

Phil was on form but your competitive streak won out - one could almost see the synapses firing!

Carter Magna at 1:21 am on August 26th, 2009

I hated it. I hated that stupidly, brilliant lad at the end who is but a pup, that horribly ace Phil Jupitus, I hated Charlie Brooker for making me want to be him when I grow up but more cynical and I hated the way you made me feel all funny in my tummy.

Wasn’t the worst hour of my life I suppose.

LC at 1:22 am on August 26th, 2009

You’re too used to Comment Is Free, Victoria. Having experienced that, you’d be surprised anyone did anything other than spit bile.

As for the show, yes, you did very well. I found myself thinking halfway through that you’d in fact made yourself right at home (after reading about your nerves on here), all curled up on the GIANT CHAIR.

Cowering and being all coy as you watch a clip of “The Lover’s Guide” though… you’ve directed your own porn film! You’re fooling no-one!

Glasgow Rich at 1:23 am on August 26th, 2009

only 5mins battery power left so i’ll read the rest of the blog later. However I got as far as your trepidation about humour/lack thereof and felt compelled to say that you were funnier than either of the ‘comedians’. You also had a far more alluring glint in your eye than them. i now have a bit of a crush on you.

daniel maris at 1:29 am on August 26th, 2009

OK, I just read the “no more nice comments” instruction after having just posted a nice comment.  Duh!

Fine, I’ll dig deep… (THINKS)  Well tucking your legs up on the chair.  Hmmm…ordinarily one would say not a great look.  For a man definitely a complete no-no. For a woman just about acceptable but still a bit flakey. But of course in terms of poker-style unsettling of the host and opposition - perfect!

That’s the best I can do I am afraid. Had Alice Roberts - the Coren Wannabee - been there you might have had some competition.  But as it was,  I am afraid non-nice commentary is not going to happen.

nonimus at 1:32 am on August 26th, 2009

Hi victoria firstly its the first time i have done this type of thing.
Secondly i hadnt heard of you until tonights show, so i searched for you on googly.
Thirdly i could be wrong but didnt you saying “tits” get one of the biggest laughs, perhaps not.
Fourthly i like your sexy voice :)
End of the show end of the show.

daniel maris at 2:27 am on August 26th, 2009

LC -

Do we have to drag up a youthful indiscretion?

OK - feel free to describe the opus in great detail! :)

Tim Gingell at 2:50 am on August 26th, 2009

My two favourite “comic” writers on one show - fantastic - you and Charlie should DO MORE!

Preferred it to the Olympiad of Only Connect anyway….

Alex at 3:39 am on August 26th, 2009

Hi VC,

Tonight’s show was the first I’ve seen, and good ol’ Charlie’s done it again.  I think you and he had a little chemistry goin on?? Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking; I think you’d make a great team and you’d be the brains of course and he, well, he’s just the eye candy for you to admire lol.

PS Smarty pants pah, you’re just, ahem, an eager beaver ;)

Hari at 8:31 am on August 26th, 2009

heh… surely the skills required for the challenges on You Bet! are just as useful in a post-apocalyptic society as the skills required for Only Connect?

(I don’t necessarily mean that in a mean way - I like watching both shows - but You Bet! was one of my favourite game shows when I was younger so I feel I should defend it’s honour…)

Also: I was going to put a nice comment here for balance, but…

Mike* at 8:34 am on August 26th, 2009

Hey Victoria,
I thought you were great last night. You came across as very intelligent and witty throughout the whole program. So much so that… some honesty here, I didn’t know who you were beforehand, I recognised you from the tv but had no idea why or from where, I had to google you up this morning.
(Your dad was Alan Coren, holy shit! Amazing man.)
Great job and you now have another fan to add to your sticker book.
all the best

Paul at 9:10 am on August 26th, 2009

Been a fan of yours for a while after watching “Balderdash and Piffle”, and as well as being funny you took Charlie Brooker on.  I am a big fan of Charlie’s too and love ‘Screenwipe’ but he struggled at first not being the smartest person in the room (for a change).

bugsy at 11:18 am on August 26th, 2009

No more nice comments? OK you’ll hate this.
No question…...THE definitive “thinking man’s crumpet”

Tony at 11:56 am on August 26th, 2009

Saw the program. You were very good on it. Didn’t know who you were, so looked you up on net. Interesting. Spent half hour on youtube. Don’t play poker, but might buy your porn book. Looks funny.

Paddy O'Furniture at 11:57 am on August 26th, 2009

Fear not, dearest Vicky. And lay off the fags. Actually no, don’t do that. Despite what science and everybody else will say, it’s the very apotheosis of sexy. But I digress.

Fear not dearest Vicky, because any and all such fears (although excruciatingly endearing) are entirely groundless.

You absolutely stole it. ‘Score’ notwithstanding.

Please do more telly… we suburbanites with our pre-dawn alarm clocks need our fix…

Ted at 1:08 pm on August 26th, 2009

Dear Victoria

I used to annoy my girlfriend by attempting to discuss my top 10 female TV personalities, so much so that I gave it up as a bad job. However, when she returned from IKEA at 11.15pm last night (carrying armfuls of useless items that she had bought “because they were only a pound”), I immediately had to tell her that ‘the blonde woman from Only Connect’, previously not in my top 50, had replaced Davina McCall at Number One.

She wasn’t that impressed. I couldn’t tell if this was because she doesn’t really like Only Connect, or that she secretly had Davina at the top of her list too and was jealous.

Victoria Coren.
New in at Number One.
Well done.

Dean at 1:21 pm on August 26th, 2009

Intelligent sexy and funny all in one package,  and I’ve just found out you play good poker, are you for real? Why haven’t we seen you on mainstream tv more? I think you should go on Mock the Week and take on the reigning king of comedy Mr Frankie Boyle, you would easily hold your own, unfortunally most don’t. If you venture up North for a tournament youll have to give me some tips.

Spence at 2:59 pm on August 26th, 2009

Great job, was one of the better shows of the series so far. Maybe you should ask Charlie Brooker on tour and see how he does? :)
Feel free to comment on my 1985 performance on ‘Saturday Starship’ alongside the powerhouses of Bonnie Langford and Metal Mickey….

A Massive Twat at 3:13 pm on August 26th, 2009

I liked it.  Are you one of the women on the ‘Writer’s Room’ podcast?

Clyde at 5:49 pm on August 26th, 2009

Well i was going to lavish you with praise but since you’ve instructed us otherwise i’ll just say how much i loved how pleased you looked every time you got a question right.

LC at 7:01 pm on August 26th, 2009

“LC - Do we have to drag up a youthful indiscretion?

OK - feel free to describe the opus in great detail! :)”

I have no idea what you’re getting at!

If you’re referring to said “porn film”, read all about it in Vicky’s book about making said porn film!

nonimus at 7:39 pm on August 26th, 2009

Hey a massive twat i take it that aint your real name *laughs*

Jim at 10:48 pm on August 26th, 2009


I love “You have been watching” but despite being the son of a professional gambler (horses and sports, not poker) and sharing a similar passion for risk based speculation, i must admit i had never heard of you before last night.

I have certainly never felt the urge to research anyone before now, let alone answer a blog. I do however, believe in giving credit where credit’s due and i thought you were, in a word, captivating.

Intelligent, funny, humble and reassuringly normal, you certainly ticked all the right boxes last night. Get out from behind the table and in front of the camera i say. If you need a manager, i will do it for about £100k pa. Its all i can afford at the moment, but can borrow if needed !!!  $;-)  x

Louis at 11:49 pm on August 26th, 2009

Another ego massaging comment coming through!

You came across as utterly cool. I rarely use that word but you have inspired me. And utterly gorgeous too, I shall retire to my study and pen trite poetry at once. x

wingard at 12:09 am on August 27th, 2009

I didn’t know who you were but I saw the show and thought “God she’s attractive” so I googled you. I love Charlie Brooker, now love you too.

Will at 12:12 am on August 27th, 2009

Just watched a repeat on E4. Obviously I am a huge fan of Brooker’s screenwipe and this show etc etc.

In my opinion you stood out as the most composed and funniest guest on the panel and I for one was massively impressed. As you say, it may be the editing but I felt that your description of Jack W was far more suited to you..

Needless to say your self deprecation is charming but I agree with everyone who said you looked great.

Congratulations, although your mutant memory of shit nineties tv is quite scary: Bounder had a dream 19 years ago and you still remember it!

Jimmy Arrier at 12:33 am on August 27th, 2009

Oh ma Goad, it’s getting rather crowded in here with brand new admirers - I’m going outside for a smoke!

(You killed them sweetheart!!)

Steve at 12:59 am on August 27th, 2009

Enjoyed the show but thought you looked ill at ease for the first half. Those chairs do look comfy!

Dave at 1:40 am on August 27th, 2009

Hi Victoria,

I stumbled across the programme this evening while channel hopping; saw you were on it, thought I’ve seen that lady before, stayed around and by the end was willing you to win.

Stunningly beautiful, intelligent and good at quizzes, wow :-)

joeking at 8:53 am on August 27th, 2009

You did well. Nervous esteem is just so human.

I didn’t think the hairy pink smarties tube did that well.

I did a caricature of Charlie Brooker

Clyde at 12:14 pm on August 27th, 2009

I’m glad that you are as sad as i am in remembering the neighbours episode with Bouncer’s dream. Probably even sadder that i got it straight away though, coz that episode is from the year i was born. I really shouldn’t know things like that.

nonimus at 12:26 pm on August 27th, 2009

Is it ok to add a link here to my blogger page victoria?

Scott at 1:39 pm on August 27th, 2009

Just watched you on You Have Been Watching iplayer. I have never heard of you before, until now that is, you were awesome on the show. Hope to see more of you on the tele.

Dis at 8:53 pm on August 27th, 2009

You were very good. Well done you! So good in fact, I ended up here and on your wiki page to find out who you were. I shall return you now however back to tv/web land. This has gone far enough towards taking on the appearance of an obsession as it is.

Eddie Smith at 11:04 pm on August 27th, 2009

Extremely smart and sexy too ! An all too rare sight.
Really good show, well done.

Alan G at 12:45 am on August 28th, 2009

Just watched the repeat. You must realise that your appearance has just turned on the lights in a whole new career corridor - clever girl.

Antony at 1:19 am on August 28th, 2009

Victoria, you came across as witty and clever, and very beautiful (as ever).  The “bored GP” line after the Lover’s Guide clip had me in stitches.

niall at 1:40 am on August 28th, 2009

I saw you on that quiz you do, but you remained in the back of my mind. Then flickin’ through the channels again, you were on You’ve Been Watching, thought, “that’s her! again! who the hell is she!?” So I had to watch - you were great, and not knowing who you were I had to google you. So now I know, finding out that you are a poker player, and quite a mean one at that, it explains quite a lot! Everytime I saw you my curiosity for you grew, you seemed genuine and it was like you were holding something back - it was a brilliant show of your poker face! -on that, and that quiz show you present, I couldn’t help but be drawn in. Sexy is an understatement :)

Antony at 2:27 am on August 28th, 2009

P.S. Oh, and curling up in the squashy chairs had a strangely endearing quality to it. Like you were at home on the sofa or something:-)

STPHN HLL ND MLY GRLND at 1:54 pm on August 28th, 2009

NIce job on Brooker. Especially the Lucy Trimblesque hair flicks. However massively disappointed that the programme kept saying “90’s”

Shemp at 3:52 pm on August 28th, 2009

Well I was delighted when I saw Phil was on, and more so when you were on. I was worried that Phil would rule all, but I must say you took over that episode magnificently! And sure made yourself at home on those HUGE chairs.

The only thing to make it perfect would be if Frankie Boyle had been on too :)

Geoff at 4:24 pm on August 28th, 2009

Hi Victoria,

Been a fan of B&P;for a while now, have seen Onlly Connect a few times too, then I see you on YHBW and I’m thinking, hmm there’s more to this girl than meets the eye and after a quick Google I find out you do Porn reviews and play Poker..considerably well too!

Its nice to see a Logophile with edge, I think if you do as well at panel shows as you do at selling your research to those boffins at the OED you’ll go a long way!

Love and Hugs,


P.S. Wasn’t there an entire episode of Neighbours shot entirely from Bouncers perspective, or was that one of my dreams!

David at 7:33 pm on August 28th, 2009

Dammit, I thought I was slightly sophisticated cos I thought you were the sexiest woman on TV. Now it turns out everyone who sees you feels the same way. Bollocks.

kev at 2:32 pm on August 29th, 2009

Like a lot of people here, I had no idea who you were when I saw YHBW, but by the end of it I was left wondering if there was a more desirable woman on the planet.  You seriously need to do more TV.

Mark Astle at 9:06 am on August 31st, 2009

Another nice comment. Sorry. And another person who only had a vague idea who you were but googled and ended up here. You appear to have become an overnight pinup for people who can spell and use punctuation.

Sexy, intelligent, poker player, and knows where an apostrophe is meant to go. Does it get any better?

James Ogley at 2:35 pm on September 3rd, 2009

Was it just me or did the Lovers Guide couple at the end of that segment look suspiciously like they may have shared parents?

Emma at 2:12 pm on September 4th, 2009

Hi - I had no idea who you were, and I have no interest in poker… but I am a girl, probably about the same age as you and am mighty pleased that a cool, sassy and really rather funny woman has emerged as a bit of a star. Would like to see you take on more of the big male egos.  There aren’t many articulate women around, you represent us well.


Victoria Coren at 2:25 pm on September 4th, 2009

Emma, all the comments here are lovely but yours is one of the nicest I’ve ever read. Thanks so much, you’re a generous and excellent person.

Ezi at 4:19 am on September 6th, 2009

I just watched the episode and have to say you have nothing to worry about! Unfortunately I’d never heard of you before the show and wondered who this ‘new comedian’ was - I was mistaken…good stuff. To be honest I think all 3 of you did great and Brooker can do no wrong. It’s a bit wrong of me to wish I could have seen The Lover’s Guide clip though. Actually disgusted at myself.

John Lacey at 12:39 am on September 11th, 2009

Hi Vicky,

As a semi-professional poker player, I’ve obviously seen you in various poker tournaments and on TV, but I have to congratulate you on your performance on ‘YHBW’; you’re clearly cut out for panel-type shows *and* presenting!  I hope to see you on more shows in the future - perhaps with my favourites David Mitchell & Frankie Boyle!


Jamie at 2:51 pm on September 17th, 2009

Hi Vicky,

I thought you were fantastic, especially when you got all curled up on the chair and started chatting away - you’re a natural. You should definitely look in to doing more shows, because you’re obviously a very talented and extremely likeable person.

I’m a big Poker fan so that’s where I heard of you first, but I watched Only Connect and loved it, even though parts of it went completely over my head! I told my friends and family all about the show and they loved it too and watched it every week.

Good luck in the London WSOP and all the best with the new book. Read some extracts in last month’s Poker Player and loved it.

All the best,

P.S. “Sucking her tits.” Corr, say that again! Brooker is God.

Simonkey at 2:18 am on January 30th, 2010

you were sublime. curvy, funny; made my year and broke my heart.

Victoria Coren

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