Subscribe to the RSS feed here.
2010
July
A Poker Player I Thought I Knew
Sunday July 25th, 2010
June
The Tattoo That Got Me In Trouble
Sunday June 27th, 2010
Enjoy Being Single, Or Stop Being It
Sunday June 20th, 2010
A Dress To Di For
Sunday June 13th, 2010
Radical Art: Sex & The City 2
Sunday June 6th, 2010
May
Whether the weather is right…
Sunday May 30th, 2010
A Whole New Way Of Writing
Sunday May 23rd, 2010
A Tale Of Two Schools
Sunday May 9th, 2010
4th election column
Sunday May 2nd, 2010
April
Judo Or Sudoku: The Pensioners’ Choice
Sunday April 25th, 2010
3rd election column
Sunday April 25th, 2010
Mandy’s Moral March
Sunday April 18th, 2010
2nd election column
Sunday April 18th, 2010
Talk About A Bucket Seat
Sunday April 11th, 2010
1st election column
Sunday April 11th, 2010
Nobody Knows Anything
Sunday April 4th, 2010
March
Simmer Down, Sarkozy Senior
Sunday March 28th, 2010
Return Of The Jolley Gang
Sunday March 21st, 2010
Bigelow And The Berlin Heist
Sunday March 14th, 2010
February
What Is A Godparent Anyway?
Sunday February 28th, 2010
Life In The Bubble
Sunday February 21st, 2010
I Want A McDonalds Muntjac
Sunday February 14th, 2010
A Grumpy Column About Guns
Sunday February 7th, 2010
January
Henry And The Giant Harp
Sunday January 31st, 2010
I Want A Divorce; Pity I’m Not Married
Sunday January 24th, 2010
The Same Faces For Twelve Days
Sunday January 3rd, 2010
2009
December
A Muslim Eton
Sunday December 27th, 2009
Secret Santas Banned
Sunday December 20th, 2009
Merry XXX-mas
Sunday December 13th, 2009
November
Fake Hair, Fake Smile: Let’s Treasure Cheryl
Sunday November 29th, 2009
My Time On Jury Service
Sunday November 15th, 2009
A Juror’s Patchwork
Sunday November 8th, 2009
October
No More Trips To Walibi World
Sunday October 25th, 2009
Hurray For The Postmen
Sunday October 18th, 2009
Books: Overrated, Overpriced And No Good In The Bath
Sunday October 11th, 2009
September
Even Now, I Wouldn’t Sleep With A Schoolteacher
Sunday September 27th, 2009
The Tweet Shall Inherit The Earth
Sunday September 6th, 2009
August
Skip The Short Cuts
Sunday August 30th, 2009
Scented Candles Can Kill - And Worse
Sunday August 23rd, 2009
16 Months Of Tears
Sunday August 16th, 2009
A Lot Of Weather We’ve Been Having
Sunday August 2nd, 2009
July
Funny Old Women
Sunday July 26th, 2009
Is “I Love You” Worth £163,424 ?
Sunday July 19th, 2009
Las Vegas And The Expenses Scandals
Sunday July 5th, 2009
June
Mum, I Don’t Want To Be A Lama
Sunday June 7th, 2009
May
Life As A Tagged Teenager
Sunday May 31st, 2009
BNP Take Tea At The Palace
Sunday May 24th, 2009
Jordan and Peter: like Zeus and Athena
Sunday May 17th, 2009
Europlonkers And Surrendered Wives
Sunday May 10th, 2009
April
Not Just Our Furry Friends…
Sunday April 26th, 2009
Madonna, Motherhood and Radishes
Sunday April 19th, 2009
THINKING ABOUT FOOD MAKES YOU FAT
Sunday April 12th, 2009
Remember The Wives Of Henry VIII
Sunday April 5th, 2009
March
Hurray For The Right Sort Of Bottom
Sunday March 22nd, 2009
In Favour Of Women’s Boxing
Sunday March 8th, 2009
A Love Letter To Humphrey Lyttelton
Sunday March 1st, 2009
February
Jade Goody and John Diamond
Sunday February 22nd, 2009
Grandad, Stop Behaving Like A Teenager…
Sunday February 15th, 2009
Forget work. Make a snowman.
Sunday February 8th, 2009
Ah, first love…
Sunday February 1st, 2009
January
Prince Harry In The Dark Ages
Sunday January 18th, 2009
I don’t normally sign petitions, but in this case…
Sunday January 4th, 2009
2008
December
The Jolley Gang
Sunday December 21st, 2008
The Jolley Gang
Sunday December 21st, 2008
Tongue Tied On A First Date?
Sunday December 14th, 2008
I Could Never Be Party To Gatecrashing
Sunday December 7th, 2008
November
It Wasn’t Like That When I Made A Porn Movie
Sunday November 23rd, 2008
King Charles And The Knobbly Veg
Sunday November 16th, 2008
God bless Fergie
Sunday November 9th, 2008
October
How very wise of Peaches Geldof to marry in haste.
Sunday October 26th, 2008
There Is Nothing Wrong With WAGs
Tuesday October 21st, 2008
If I wanted coffee, I’d go to a cafe
Sunday October 12th, 2008
Yes, I’ve got glasses…
Sunday October 5th, 2008
September
Primary School Kids Share Their Lifestyle Secrets
Sunday September 28th, 2008
So, Mr Bond, are you actually a leg or a breast man?
Sunday September 7th, 2008
August
Live in the now? What an absolutely idiotic proposition
Sunday August 31st, 2008
Don’t Trust Your Animal Instincts
Sunday August 24th, 2008
All hail Boris, a doughty champion in a frustrating world
Sunday August 17th, 2008
There’s no smoke without ire
Sunday August 10th, 2008
Britain Would Be A Better Place If We Had More Bitches
Sunday August 3rd, 2008
July
Escape fantasies? Give me a Big Mac and some gas bills
Sunday July 20th, 2008
June
Oh it’s truly a crime that women are reluctant to rhyme
Sunday June 15th, 2008
Oh dear, I think I’ve got a critical case of pergola envy
Sunday June 1st, 2008
May
The fittest of the survivalists? There’s no contest
Sunday May 25th, 2008
Ping! Welcome to a heavenly hubbub
Sunday May 18th, 2008
It’s advertising the royal way … because one deserves it
Sunday May 11th, 2008
April
Ah, Monaco. Land of the filthy rich. And I mean filthy
Sunday April 27th, 2008
Now that’s my kinda town
Sunday April 6th, 2008
March
Me misspeak? Now you mention it …
Sunday March 30th, 2008
Why is poor Dr Walshaw in the soup?
Sunday March 23rd, 2008
My Lulu of an idea to save the planet
Sunday March 16th, 2008
Shall I compare thee, Lee Jasper, to Keats or Donne? No
Sunday March 9th, 2008
Why can’t a man be more like a car?
Sunday March 2nd, 2008
February
Time to bring back happy Hollywood
Sunday February 24th, 2008
Hurrah for the recession. It will do us a power of good
Sunday February 17th, 2008
Please spare me from those spas
Sunday February 10th, 2008
Barack’s debt to Larry David
Sunday February 3rd, 2008
January
I won’t be party to a party
Sunday January 27th, 2008
Mum’s the word for racist
Sunday January 20th, 2008
Walking back to happiness
Sunday January 13th, 2008
2007
December
Genitally does it, David
Sunday December 16th, 2007
Mel C, I’m with you
Sunday December 9th, 2007
Write on, Miss Austen
Sunday December 2nd, 2007
November
Love thy neighbour? I do
Sunday November 25th, 2007
How long? You’re joking
Sunday November 18th, 2007
Long live the laughter
Sunday November 4th, 2007
October
The lure of the courtesan
Sunday October 14th, 2007
September
It’s that loving feline
Sunday September 23rd, 2007
It’s so hard to be a hero
Sunday September 16th, 2007
Dave takes us for a rural ride
Sunday September 9th, 2007
Feuds, glorious feuds
Sunday September 2nd, 2007
August
Where’s Man Friday when you need him?
Sunday August 26th, 2007
Flashman, do put it away
Sunday August 12th, 2007
July
This one’s for safe sex
Sunday July 29th, 2007
Be a jewel personality
Sunday July 22nd, 2007
Only aces get the credit
Sunday July 8th, 2007
June
How do you want me?
Sunday June 17th, 2007
The only tits I want to see
Sunday June 10th, 2007
She’s not big or grown up
Sunday June 3rd, 2007
May
Now, a few home truths
Sunday May 27th, 2007
Lessons in manners
Sunday May 20th, 2007
I’m cruising for equality
Sunday May 13th, 2007
Stay awake now, please
Sunday May 6th, 2007
April
Staying cool, Dave style
Sunday April 29th, 2007
A Speer-carrier too far
Sunday April 22nd, 2007
Wilf, meet Henry, Google’s top killer
Sunday April 15th, 2007
March
Kafkaesque? I should Coco
Sunday March 25th, 2007
I’ll tell you a real fairy tale
Sunday March 18th, 2007
Whose life is it anyway?
Sunday March 11th, 2007
February
Thunderballs-up
Sunday February 25th, 2007
Whose life is it anyway?
Sunday February 11th, 2007
Court in the act
Sunday February 11th, 2007
Las Vegas it won’t be
Sunday February 4th, 2007
January
Oh, aren’t you well-read?
Sunday January 28th, 2007
Please, marry in haste
Sunday January 14th, 2007
Tell the truth, for love
Sunday January 7th, 2007
2006
December
What shall we get them?
Sunday December 24th, 2006
Me and my celebrity staff
Sunday December 17th, 2006
Setting my beret at Rod
Sunday December 3rd, 2006
November
Sorry, but I do feel sorry
Sunday November 26th, 2006
Who says Posh is cheap?
Sunday November 19th, 2006
How to be ordinary
Sunday November 12th, 2006
Curse of the alpha female
Sunday November 5th, 2006
October
The curse of true love
Sunday October 15th, 2006
Bring on those boffins
Sunday October 8th, 2006
Pull yourself together
Sunday October 1st, 2006
September
Girls, get a gumshoe
Sunday September 24th, 2006
Pow! It’s a boy thing
Sunday September 17th, 2006
Politics? Try wilder fun
Sunday September 10th, 2006
Bring on Queen Zara
Sunday September 3rd, 2006
August
Go on, amaze me
Sunday August 27th, 2006
No bosom pal of mine
Sunday August 20th, 2006
July
Love, honour and OK!
Sunday July 23rd, 2006
Yes, now I’m a believer
Sunday July 16th, 2006
David’s a Goliath to me
Sunday July 9th, 2006
Frankly, my dear …
Sunday July 2nd, 2006
June
Teenagers, you’re history
Sunday June 25th, 2006
Three cheers for losers
Sunday June 18th, 2006
And then he kissed her. Why?
Sunday June 4th, 2006
May
Our little obsessions laid bare
Sunday May 28th, 2006
Always father, dear father
Sunday May 21st, 2006
Daly’s my kind of loser
Sunday May 7th, 2006
April
Which wife would you be?
Sunday April 30th, 2006
How des can a res really be?
Sunday April 23rd, 2006
Wow - a bona fide superstar
Sunday April 16th, 2006
Men, mind your manners
Sunday April 9th, 2006
Do not go genitally …
Sunday April 2nd, 2006
March
Love is not a ball and chain
Sunday March 26th, 2006
Put those books away, boys
Sunday March 19th, 2006
Lay off stars in cars
Sunday March 5th, 2006
February
So what’s the dress code?
Sunday February 26th, 2006
Thank God for 9 to 5, when you don’t have to work
Sunday February 19th, 2006
Remember, never put Tiddles in the washing machine
Sunday February 5th, 2006
January
Modest, practical and a little weird … Britishness in a shop
Sunday January 29th, 2006
Legal brothels? That’s far too much competition
Sunday January 22nd, 2006
Liars and cheats? Give them a medal
Sunday January 15th, 2006
Careful, Jamie. Kate’s got true aristocrattitude
Sunday January 8th, 2006
The slang show
Sunday January 1st, 2006
2005
December
Hooray for Davina - or should that be McCall?
Sunday December 18th, 2005
Crime: so much more fun when it’s made up …
Sunday December 11th, 2005
Nuns on email? So much for the solitary life …
Sunday December 4th, 2005
November
Got the blues? Call for Jeeves
Sunday November 20th, 2005
Giraffes shouldn’t get it in the neck
Sunday November 13th, 2005
The real deal
Sunday November 13th, 2005
Love and gambling? Bet that won’t work
Sunday November 6th, 2005
October
Memo to self: get impregnated soonest
Sunday October 30th, 2005
Suing witch doctors? Whatever next?
Sunday October 16th, 2005
Looking your age is no disgrace
Sunday October 9th, 2005
Admit it: estate agents ooze sex
Sunday October 2nd, 2005
September
Ma’am, I think I’ve got a problem
Saturday September 24th, 2005
Secrets, love, dreams and just a little light lingerie
Sunday September 18th, 2005
You’ll believe a cake can fly
Sunday September 11th, 2005
Sorry, Nancy, I had Sven first
Sunday September 4th, 2005
August
Clothes shops without clothes … perfect
Sunday August 28th, 2005
Go on, kick a redhead. She loves it
Sunday August 21st, 2005
A real life Hogwarts? Hogwash
Sunday August 14th, 2005
Suddenly ugly old nannies are hot, hot, hot
Sunday August 7th, 2005
July
Drinking games
Sunday July 31st, 2005
June
You’re having a laugh
Sunday June 26th, 2005
Floored genius
Sunday June 19th, 2005
Queen of Swaziland? Let me join the queue
Sunday June 5th, 2005
May
Why I’m having a one to one with Abi Titmuss
Sunday May 29th, 2005
What the Dickens will they think of next?
Sunday May 22nd, 2005
Come on, Tony, slather me in cellulite cream
Sunday May 15th, 2005
A black-and-white guide to dating
Sunday May 1st, 2005
April
If a man is mean about minibars, he’ll be bad in bed
Sunday April 24th, 2005
Women only? Now that is scary…
Sunday April 17th, 2005
Only a man could mistake the worth of a swimsuit
Sunday April 10th, 2005
March
Now, where did I put my false beard?
Sunday March 27th, 2005
Mess with Laura and you mess with me
Sunday March 20th, 2005
Kindly remove your tongue from my mouth this instant
Sunday March 13th, 2005
Mr Swank, you’re nothing more than a big girl’s blouse
Sunday March 6th, 2005
February
Bling for boys? Only if they’re fit and working class, thanks
Sunday February 27th, 2005
No one understands me. And that’s the way I like it
Sunday February 13th, 2005
January
Sky ups the ante in the stupidity stakes
Sunday January 30th, 2005
If you want to see true morality, tune into Big Brother
Sunday January 23rd, 2005
Angelina Jolie: now she’s what I call a bad boy
Sunday January 16th, 2005
God bless Kate - better late than never
Sunday January 9th, 2005
2004
December
I Want Bullet-Proof Wristbands And A Lasso Of Truth
Sunday December 12th, 2004
Elton? Oh, just give him another pair of gold trousers
Sunday December 5th, 2004
November
‘I’m going to think like Gandy. Don’t pretend you don’t know who I mean’
Sunday November 28th, 2004
A guru, a guru, my kingdom for a guru
Sunday November 21st, 2004
I’ll have a big Mac and fries to go before I go
Sunday November 14th, 2004
I’m going to vote next week too - at least 30 times…
Sunday November 7th, 2004
October
Don’t flutter yourself
Sunday October 24th, 2004
Yes, it is possible to have exotic sex in Cheltenham
Sunday October 3rd, 2004
September
Housework turns men on? Please don’t talk dirty
Sunday September 26th, 2004
Cry all you like, Becks - as long as you’re not a loser
Sunday September 19th, 2004
It’s OK, Naomi, my guide to modelling will set you straight
Sunday September 12th, 2004
Join the cafe society and help make me seriously rich
Sunday September 5th, 2004
August
The British film industry like never before (No, really)
Sunday August 29th, 2004
Admit it; you might actually be 30, but you are still 13 at heart, aren’t you?
Sunday August 15th, 2004
Love rats? They should all be thrown to the squirrels
Sunday August 1st, 2004
July
Stay out of the sex club, Charlotte; it’s for adults only
Sunday July 25th, 2004
When i’m king, I shall make Hugh Grant my queen
Sunday July 18th, 2004
Shopping in shops? How old hat
Sunday July 11th, 2004
You’re a bloody mess, Kate moss…
Sunday July 4th, 2004
June
I smoked, and now I can’t stub out the flaws in my past
Sunday June 27th, 2004
There are better ways to spend 90 minutes. A quick nap, for instance
Sunday June 20th, 2004
Suit yourself; it’s your funeral
Sunday June 13th, 2004
Web aces clean up in poker’s new world
Sunday June 6th, 2004
May
At least Dirty Den stayed in character. Unlike some…
Sunday May 9th, 2004
Sinister sisterhood of feminists? That’ll be me, then
Sunday May 2nd, 2004
April
Lemons with pips? That’s really taking the pith
Sunday April 25th, 2004
Edwardian porn? Fantastic. Too bad everyone’s doing it at 90 miles an hour
Sunday April 18th, 2004
Only a ‘complete egg’ goes for broke on Easter Sunday
Sunday April 11th, 2004
Talk is cheap, but small talk is priceless
Sunday April 4th, 2004
March
The Stepford Lover - and my other modern fantasies
Sunday March 28th, 2004
What becomes of the brokenhearted? We play bridge
Sunday March 14th, 2004
Wham bam thank you mam in 31 minutes flat? No thanks
Sunday March 7th, 2004
February
If you want to nab a man, check out his shopping
Sunday February 15th, 2004
Shakespeare, shall I compare thee to a day in Slough?
Sunday February 8th, 2004
A clog-wearing butterfly always beats an email
Sunday February 1st, 2004
January
Modern man as action hero? That really is Nuts
Sunday January 25th, 2004
We have ways of making you live with somebody
Sunday January 18th, 2004
Carry on leering, but I’m not playing nursie any more
Sunday January 11th, 2004
2003
December
The perfect gift for the boss? Let the web decide
Sunday December 21st, 2003
Mediums? Sure. You just have to get into the right spirit
Sunday December 14th, 2003
November
Spare a Christmas thought for the poor little rich kids
Sunday November 30th, 2003
Be my guest. Though I know I’m going to regret it
Sunday November 23rd, 2003
Catherine’s just a girl who can’t say dough
Sunday November 16th, 2003
If only Tarantino had directed Princess Diana
Sunday November 2nd, 2003
October
Straight expectations
Sunday October 26th, 2003
A new forum for grumpy men? Like they need it
Sunday October 12th, 2003
Sex scenes are fine. As long as I don’t have to watch
Sunday October 5th, 2003
September
What a drag it is getting old? Not any more, Mick
Sunday September 28th, 2003
Who’ll tell Cherie the unvarnished truth now?
Sunday September 21st, 2003
Those who are busy doing nothing, we salute you
Sunday September 14th, 2003
August
Yes, I’d love a talking car - but only if I get to programme it
Sunday August 31st, 2003
Why naked Brits are on a hiding to nothing
Sunday August 24th, 2003
If I’m going to be toast, I might as well eat toast
Sunday August 17th, 2003
July
Am I going out tonight? I’m not that desperate
Sunday July 27th, 2003
Can’t remember your holiday? Blame the souvenirs
Sunday July 20th, 2003
Am I really going out with him? Ask my boss
Sunday July 13th, 2003
So fags and junk food might be outlawed? Bring it on
Sunday July 6th, 2003
June
Gender stereotyping? Fine as long as I get to do it
Sunday June 29th, 2003
Second childhood? I’m still enjoying my first one
Sunday June 22nd, 2003
So, boys, how much up front for you to have a boob job?
Sunday June 15th, 2003
A date with Mr Darcy? I’d rather have Des O’ Connor
Sunday June 8th, 2003
A holiday with the parents? Well, it beats a Cruise
Sunday June 1st, 2003
May
If your luxury item is a pair of tweezers - get a life
Sunday May 4th, 2003
April
We’re Minnie Driver’s lonely hearts club band…
Sunday April 27th, 2003
The trouble with families that sing in perfect harmony
Sunday April 20th, 2003
Get it off your chest… but say something original
Sunday April 13th, 2003
March
BST is only a boon for farmers and foot fetishists
Sunday March 30th, 2003
Why say it with flowers when you can use a megaphone?
Sunday March 23rd, 2003
Tops for Pops? Well, Bada Bing’s just the thing…
Sunday March 16th, 2003
Snooker star White pots the big one… playing poker player
Sunday March 16th, 2003
McDonald’s is now the true home of the whopper
Sunday March 9th, 2003
That dinner was to die for. Well, not really…
Sunday March 2nd, 2003
February
Goodbye chastity, corsets and curates with morals
Sunday February 16th, 2003
31 things I love about men like Nick Hornby
Sunday February 9th, 2003
It’s enough to make you cuss and blind
Sunday February 2nd, 2003
January
Shoes better than sex? Don’t be so silly
Sunday January 26th, 2003
If you’re still outraged by Page Three, it’s time you grew up
Sunday January 19th, 2003
A man’s gotta do… something about his hair
Sunday January 12th, 2003
2002
December
How it was left to 007 to spot the real baddies of TV
Sunday December 22nd, 2002
Award win for The Office’s loser
Sunday December 15th, 2002
If the mud sticks, Cherie, use it for a massage
Sunday December 15th, 2002
Relax, Charles, ‘tis the season for gift recycling
Sunday December 8th, 2002
Marriage is like getting fat. It just happens to you…
Sunday December 1st, 2002
November
All men are Alan Partridge. Just listen to them
Sunday November 24th, 2002
Secrets and lies expose the royal hunchbacks
Sunday November 17th, 2002
I want to travel, meet people and see them stoned
Sunday November 10th, 2002
Now the baby’s here, please nix Sex and the City
Sunday November 3rd, 2002
October
Would you buy curtains with Nicky Haslam?
Sunday October 20th, 2002
Pssst, Kylie. Wanna buy my pigeon-grey bra?
Sunday October 13th, 2002
Real men don’t eat each other…
Sunday October 6th, 2002
September
Don’t ring us, boys… and we won’t ring you
Sunday September 22nd, 2002
Not tonight darling, I’ve got my map upside down
Sunday September 15th, 2002
I’m not a good sport. But I’m sorry to say Uri Geller is
Sunday September 1st, 2002
August
Go on Gwyneth, tell us what you really think about her
Sunday August 11th, 2002
Please refrain from flash photography…
Sunday August 4th, 2002
July
A word in your ear, Archbishop: drop the zaniness…
Sunday July 28th, 2002
I would dye for you. Or even wear flip-flops
Sunday July 21st, 2002
Who wants to be a millionheiress? I don’t
Sunday July 14th, 2002
June
Maybe Agassi could bridge the gap with Clooney
Sunday June 30th, 2002
If you’re going to drop a clanger, make it a big one
Sunday June 23rd, 2002
Have I got news for the BBC… Angus must stay
Sunday June 16th, 2002
Why does Will Young still sing about girls?
Sunday June 9th, 2002
Why it’s wrong to confuse busyness with pleasure
Sunday June 2nd, 2002
May
Brawn minus brain just doesn’t compute any more
Sunday May 19th, 2002
All the best conservatives have gay dads…
Sunday May 12th, 2002
Why Madge and Gwyneth are perfect for each other
Sunday May 5th, 2002
April
For Chris’s sake, join the brainy Morrisettes
Sunday April 28th, 2002
Keep pornography in its place… on my VCR
Sunday April 21st, 2002
Snare a millionaire? I’d rather die single and impoverished
Sunday April 14th, 2002
March
Own up to your deep secret … just hide the tell-tale trivia
Sunday March 31st, 2002
Happy Christmas, Oscar
Sunday March 24th, 2002
Marriage? I’ll give it a week…
Sunday March 17th, 2002
From mountain pose to Marlboro
Sunday March 10th, 2002
1999
October
Is the force with you?
Sunday October 3rd, 1999